tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10026139402146539572024-03-13T21:31:40.671-05:005 Things...Raising Girls in Today's WorldHolly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.comBlogger208125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-15961613858278753642015-09-01T09:22:00.001-05:002017-11-22T14:03:20.857-06:00Empty Nest or Full Nest?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For the life of me I am trying to come up with a different term for the kids moving out of the house than “empty nester”. Nothing about that term sounds natural to a mom, because letting go is hard on a momma’s heart. <br />
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Last week my youngest moved into a freshman dorm in college. Today, as I write this, my oldest set out for his junior year at another college. (Let the record state that I did indeed treat my tearful self to a Sonic coke and a pedicure today.)<br />
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For clarification please allow Webster and me to take some space here to define a few things.<br />
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<strong>Nest</strong>: a home where people live: a place of rest, retreat, or lodging: home. The occupants or <br />
frequenters of a nest: a group of objects made to fit close together or one within another.<br />
<strong>Empty</strong> - containing nothing: not having any people: not occupied or inhabited: having no real <br />
purpose or value.<br />
<strong>Empty nester</strong> - a parent whose children have grown up and moved away from home.<br />
<strong>Empty nest syndrome</strong> - an emotional letdown often experienced by an empty nester. <br />
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<strong>A good momma bird builds a well-thought-out nest.</strong> "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." (Proverbs 14:1) The Hebrew word for "build" here means to build, establish, construct, rebuild or fashion. We all know that mothering includes all of that and all of that is not easy!<br />
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<strong>A good momma bird provides well for her young with shelter, warmth, comfort, and nourishment</strong>. <br />
"She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." (Proverbs 31:14-15)<strong> </strong><em>Let me </em><em>be honest here</em> - bringing food from afar can be take-out, getting up while still dark might only happen in Iceland in the winter, and the only cleaning ladies that showed up at my house were me, myself and I!<br />
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<strong>Then a good momma bird teaches her cuties how to fly.</strong> If she does her job well they eventually fly out and make their own nest. In fact, sometimes she has to push them out. The alternative would be the inability to fly and a good mom does not really want that for her young. But, oh how hard this flying out process is on a momma's heart.<br />
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Now do not get me wrong. This whole mothering experience cannot be sugar coated. Nothing is more beautiful but nothing is more difficult either. Mothering can break your heart. It has a way of re-arranging your schedule at a moment’s notice. It can be a fun ride one minute and an emotional roller coaster the next. Mothering makes your heart swell but it has a way of breaking it as well.<br />
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But you know what? I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It is a God-given blessing and honor to mother children. It is an awesome responsibility to train up the next generation to take up theircross, deny themselves and follow Jesus. Some days I thought I deserved an A+ and other days I failed miserably.<br />
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I am so grateful of the grace of Jesus in my life. Because He has forgiven me, I can not only forgive myself when I come up short but I can also forgive my kids when they do. Nobody can walk this mothering gig perfectly - I know I did not. My two grew up hearing often, “I am sorry. Will you forgive me? Can we start over again?” Do I wish I could right all of those wrongs? Sure, but I can also trust the Lord to use those mistakes to lead them to the foot of the cross -right where I want them. Through my shortcomings they have learned the power of asking for forgiveness and releasing forgiveness.<br />
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<em>So what do I do with this empty nest syndrome I am experiencing?</em> (See definition above.) I cry. <br />
I text the kids. I look at their pictures on social media to keep up. I visit when they want me to <br />
or at least ask before showing up! I try to keep my opinions to myself and bless them. But what <br />
do I try to do more than anything? <br />
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I PRAY. <br />
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<em>Prayer helps alleviate the anxiety.</em> If I worry or stay in a state of grief then I will only make myself and my sweet husband miserable. I also risk missing out on the next adventure the Lord has for me.<br />
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<em>I still have a nest and it is NOT empty</em> - my husband and I still live in it and at times it is overflowing with young adult kids visiting. I still have purpose and I still have value. As my mom always said, “It’s either feast or famine!” So true. One day the house is clean and quiet and all of a sudden a school break comes up and it is full, messy and unpredictable all over again.<br />
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<em>I am embracing this new season</em>. I am not rushing to fill every moment. I want to have margin. Margin to pray. Margin to hear. Margin to be available. Margin to let in the new.<br />
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Momma birds, If you are married, do not throw in the towel. Stay together. Your young adult kids need to see that their parents stick it out. You got into this marriage without them and you can keep it going without them. Plan dates. Try those recipes that are not kid friendly. Go to the movies on a week night. Have friends over. Take a vacation. Take up a new hobby together. Mentor a young couple. My husband and I are excited about the future. Yes, we both miss the kids but we have decided that we are still crazy about each other.<br />
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I was blessed with two amazing kids. Maybe you have been blessed with many more. However many you have, they each deserve your best. Do not grow weary - finish strong! The last one needs you just as much as the first one did.<br />
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It was a big transition for my daughter when her brother left for college. We had to re-establish our time together as a family. We were still a family even when the oldest was away at college. She still wanted meals and a place for her friends to hang. She wanted us showing up to her events and cheering her on. <br />
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Many women in my shoes start regretting that they do not have a better career or something more significant to fall back into now that the kids are gone. I promise you, I do not regret one minute I spent investing in my children. Yes, there is a fine line between being a conscientious parent and a helicopter parent but do not become a detached parent either. A lot of successful people were most successful after 45 or 50. Go after some of those dreams now!<br />
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Some of you young moms might be reading this and feeling a little envious of my quiet, clean house. Do not blink because yes, time flies by fast. So enjoy the days you have and the season you are in. Go take a peek at those sleeping little ones or even the older ones tonight and kiss their sweet cheeks. Do not try to fix too many of their negatives at the same time. Look for the positives and focus in on one thing to work on. Talk to them about Jesus, about grace, about sin and about their need for a Savior. Take them to church but walk the walk at home too - not in perfection but with fresh mercy each day.<br />
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Whatever season you find yourself in, take the time to pray and seek the Lord. He will give you the eyes to see the future with joy.<br />
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"She is clothed with strength and dignity and can laugh at a the days to come." (Proverbs 31:25)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lMgD9nAzsbI/VeWuGnkhVOI/AAAAAAAENCY/vBgIqke6ld4/s1600/Kitt%2Bcoup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lMgD9nAzsbI/VeWuGnkhVOI/AAAAAAAENCY/vBgIqke6ld4/s320/Kitt%2Bcoup.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Carrie & her husband on a recent trip to Israel<br />
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(Carrie has a website you can follow at <a href="http://www.carriekittinger.com/">www.carriekittinger.com</a>. She is also available for speaking at women's events.)</td></tr>
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Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-67839725278388259942015-08-16T09:30:00.000-05:002015-08-16T09:30:50.428-05:00We Have One Year Left Before Being Empty Nesters!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Meet my friend Tammy. We discovered through Facebook that we are "kindred spirits", as Anne of Green Gables would say. We have some mutual friends, but have only seen each other a handful of times in person. Our kids briefly knew each other in middle school. She came and helped me on her day off when I bought my business recently and had two days to move in. I wonder now why I even had the gumption to ask her! Maybe because I knew she just might say yes and she was the kind of person I needed that day. There is a divine connection between us, though I don't see her as much as I'd like. We'll fix that, we are having coffee next week! Tammy and I both have the same situation- our youngest are seniors this year... we are almost empty-nesters. (She won't stop having an impact on young people though. She leads a small group of girls at church. She and other co-leaders have led this group since the girls were in 8th grade and they are seniors too! This will be a hard May for her). Many of us are in the same boat, wishing that this year will go slowly. I asked her to write a blog about it for other moms. She graciously agreed.<br />
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I can vividly remember words spoken to me at church a long time ago by a sweet, older woman. My husband and I had just entered the foyer with our 2-year old son and 5 -year old daughter. I'm sure we had that "good-grief-can't-believe-we-<wbr></wbr>actually-made-it-here" exhausted look on our faces. This gal stops me, places her wrinkled, sun-spotted hand on mine and says "The days are long, but the years go by so fast." I smiled, told her thank you, and then in my young-mom mind thought, "Well, maybe YOUR years, but mine will be morphing into CENTURIES."</div>
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Funny. She was right. Those years flew right by...can't say I wasn't warned. That 2-year old son is now 17 and a senior in high school. The 5-year old daughter is now 20 and a junior in college. My husband and I have found ourselves discussing things such as downsizing our home, retirement...albeit, it will be a few more years for this. Maybe picking up a hobby we can both do together. Golf, perhaps? Tennis? We've even joked we're going to get an RV, travel the states with our dog, and be THAT couple you get stuck behind going 10 miles an hour.</div>
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We joke about these events to come, but they are right around the corner. We are almost empty-nest-ers. True, our kids will come back sometimes on weekends for various things (my son for laundry, I'm 100% sure), but the frequency with which we see them will lessen. I've semi-adapted to this with my daughter. SEMI. But now my son, too? Can I handle this? I won't sugarcoat it...it hurts. You will cry...a lot...at random times. Are they ok? Are they adapting? Are they eating? Did they get out of bed? Daughter, probably...son, the jury's still out. They better have gone to class...this college stuff is NOT CHEAP.</div>
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Everyone's scenario will be different, but I do feel the "hurt/sadness factor" will be a common denominator. What has helped me manage this ache are words wisely given to me by a dear friend and neighbor whose children are grown with families of their own. She said "Tammy, think about how much you love your kids." (I did this and my heart almost exploded right then and there). "Well, now, think of God. He loves them even more." WOW. So simple. So true. I love my kids A LOT. He loves them even more! Let me tell ya', that is a WHOLE LOTTA LOVE. </div>
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I can't be there 24/7...but God can. <span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">I can't protect them 24/7...but God can. I do not know if they are hurting...but God does. This was such a relief to me. These beautiful children of mine are not really mine...they are his and always have been. Why then should I worry? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">Psalm 139:7-10 reassures me with this promise...</span><span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on wings of dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."</span></div>
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That lady in the church foyer years ago was right. The days ARE long and the years DO go by quickly. But let me just add...</div>
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God's got them. He always has.</div>
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Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-17922490636710890272015-01-24T10:08:00.000-06:002015-02-04T09:42:27.412-06:00I'm the New Owner of the Local Business "My Little Dollhouse"!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Desires of the heart.... come true at the strangest times! Guess what? (drum roll)<br />
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I'm the new owner of My Little Dollhouse, a girls' birthday party venue near 91st and Harvard in Tulsa, OK!<br />
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You've probably held a party or taken a daughter to a party there before, but in case you haven't, it's a place where moms can assure a great birthday party for girls, generally aged 3-10 years old (to be expanded in future). They have options of fun places to play- a "house" with toys, a tree house, a black light room, nooks and crannies, and a kid-sized stage for dress up fashion shows. Additional options include tea parties, dress up, hair and makeup done for each party girl, even a visit from a real live Princess!<br />
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I've wanted to buy My Little Dollhouse for years, and have secretly (and not so secretly) thought how fun it would be to own it. I've driven by the building and dreamed of the potential. I've said it out loud to people. Two of my daughters have worked there in years past. I've told the owner annually that if she ever thinks about selling it, I'm interested.<br />
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It happened last month! I wasn't even thinking about it until the day that I was contacted. I had just been talking to my family about the business, when she messaged me, asking if I was still interested.<br />
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After screaming at the irony of the moment, and excitement, I replied yes.<br />
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I'm so thankful to her for contacting me.<br />
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Long story short, it is now a done deal and I take over next week.<br />
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This is a dream come true. There is so much work to be done, but it's with a happy heart that it will be done!<br />
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The business will continue on as My Little Dollhouse. As we get acclimated, there are additional ideas on the horizon.<br />
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Ownership of this business fits right in with long term goals of Girls 101. I'm excited about that. We can offer lots of different events there for girls of our city.<br />
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I love events. And parties. And girls.<br />
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This will be fun. :)<br />
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To celebrate, we are offering big February specials! Help me out and pass the word along, if you don't have a young girl yourself.<br />
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February special: <br />
$40 off of a Regular or Princess Party on Monday-Friday held in February<br />
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Use the code "firstmonth" when you call 918. 299.(4FUN) starting Tuesday, January 27.<br />
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Please "like" our Facebook page "My Little Dollhouse", to hear about discounts, specials, and events!<br />
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www.mylittledollhouse.net<br />
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"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4<br />
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"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them" - Walt Disney<br />
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<br />Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-27455857591647019602014-12-09T20:20:00.002-06:002014-12-09T20:20:17.705-06:00Healthy Dating Relationships- Part 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"What does a healthy dating relationship look like?"<br />
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I've been asked more than once by older teens or girls in young twenties who are ready to consider a life long relationship.<br />
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It caused me to stop and really think.<br />
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Caring about another person is a vulnerable thing. It's hard for some people to be vulnerable, because it leads to a chance to be hurt. But that's part of it. Part of life. We get hurt sometimes. The fear of possibly being hurt can't stop us from a great adventure with rewards that are greater than the risk!<br />
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The subject of dating nowadays is a bit different than it was 20 years ago. Dating has become so complicated according to 1) my observations and 2) what girls have said. Now I've seen some young couples who have done things the way we are used to- they meet, get to know one another by talking and being together, he asks her out on dates, and they eventually become exclusive.<br />
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On the other hand, too many girls have said that they are disappointed with boys that seem to be in fear of them, or don't know how to start a conversation, or ask them out on dates, or rely too hard on social media for communicating.<br />
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The number of girls who have never dated is huge! (I'm sure moms of boys have things to say about this, and I welcome your comments. We would love to hear from you!!)<br />
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In the "old days", we dated to have fun with someone we may like, and eventually realized we both couldn't live without each other, or we parted ways. Nowadays it seems that couples want to have a commitment before they even start dating.<br />
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There is so much pressure to know where you stand instead of getting to know each other and taking a risk.<br />
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Sometimes it seems couples want to know the end result before they start dating.<br />
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So what's my advice? Have fun without knowing the end result.<br />
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You may decide you really like him. You may decide you want to move on. You may marry him. You may break up! Young people say "I don't want to waste time". No one does. But there's no way to know ahead of time if you're going to marry someone. The risk is part of life. But so is the fun and the people you meet along the way. I heard great advice from someone- "Just leave them better than you found them if it doesn't work out".<br />
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Can we come back to a balance from the days of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye?" (I just finally read that book 10+ years later. I don't really agree with that approach, but was intrigued with the influence it had on our Christian culture, so I gave in and read it for myself).<br />
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Young people are so concerned with only dating who they are going to marry that they have become paralyzed in a way.<br />
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Sometimes you just have to date, chill, and have fun while you figure it out.<br />
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Ask God for direction and know that He will. He's not opposed to innocent fun. Or friendships. Or love.<br />
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We've made life into a complex puzzle in some ways, instead of embracing the process.<br />
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Stay tuned for part two.Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-9708365511352745482014-11-25T10:02:00.002-06:002014-11-25T10:07:35.719-06:00Dating is Harder Than They Say<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"Dating is not easy. No one tells you this. Pink and blue is real. You think it's all fun, but there's real conflict to work out." - an anonymous teenager<br />
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I've heard this more than once, so let's talk about it.<br />
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Yes, dating is fun, with outings and dances and pictures and such. But no it's not conflict free, because you are two humans.<br />
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I have heard two perspectives, and they are quite different. But both are worth listening to.<br />
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One is this- Movies and shows have made dating look so appealing and romantic and conflict free, that is the expectation of many. They are surprised when they begin dating and find the opposite sex thinks so differently, therefore there are things to be resolved. Even as teens.<br />
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The other is this- Bad examples are real and present. There is no problem believing that there are conflicts in relationships. The desire to see the good in dating and marriage is the prominent need...to know there is a good side to being with someone. They long for encouraging examples and advice about relationships.<br />
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We'll do a couple of posts on this topic this week.<br />
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Discussion Starter - (to ask your tween or teen)<br />
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Which of the above views do you think teens today believe? What do you believe?<br />
<br />Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-25019961389557319012014-11-13T12:06:00.000-06:002014-11-13T12:10:25.066-06:00Instagram and Young Girls- What Do We Allow?<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.rachelsimmons.com/">Rachel Simmons</a>, a guru on all things girl, wrote a <a href="http://time.com/3559340/instagram-tween-girls/">Time article on Instagram and Tweens</a> this week. I've talked about this topic so many times with moms on a personal level. This is a great opportunity to blog about it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I posted this article and question on my Facebook pages, 5 Things and Girls 101, saying: <span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">What do you all think? I'm in the minority I fully realize, but having social media accounts during middle school years add to the complication of a growing identity. But many have it I know. Do you mind sharing your thoughts? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Here are the comments I received from moms, girls and teachers:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #666666;"><i><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:0" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Because of the drama involved with Instagram, my daughter voluntarily closed her account. She was tired of the selfies, of seeing what activity she wasn't invited to, and many other things related to all that. She hasn't regretted it once. She said, "I was becoming addicted to it."</span></span></span></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="color: #666666;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></span>
<span style="color: #666666;"><i><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">My daughter is getting her first phone this week. She's already seen other girls obsessing over Instagram. At this point, she's not interested in getting it. Not sure how she'll feel about it in a month or a year, but for now, ix-nay on the Instagram for her. </span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"> </span><span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">"Instashame"??? Insta-no thanks.</span></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span style="color: #666666;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="color: #666666;"><i><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">My daughter is in 9th. I haven't let her have FB, but she has Instagram. In middle school it was all about how many likes/favs they get on a pic. "Ugh, she has 50 likes and my pic only got 48!" It's a status. There is even an app to get more likes..... My 5th grader has Instagram & I have to constantly tell her she has to keep her acct private. </span><br data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$1:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;" /><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">I strongly abhor raising girls with social media!</span></i></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span style="color: #666666;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span style="color: #666666;"><i>Teacher perspective: they start it at home, using social media. They bring it to school and cause a problem, disrupting their education.</i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span style="color: #666666;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="color: #666666;"><i>I couldn't agree more. Many of my 4th graders have Instagram already.</i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="color: #666666;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span style="color: #666666;"><i>Wow, I think this article is almost spot on...which is a little scary. I LOVE social media, but just decided to stop using Instagram earlier this week because of how intoxicating it can become to the way we perceive our social lives and even ourselves at times. This can be risking territory for young girls..and guys. Thanks for sharing.</i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span style="color: #666666;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">As moms, we have to decide when is appropriate for our kids to have social media. At some point, it's fine. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">My girls and I have it, but I made them wait until the end of middle school to get it. Here's my thoughts:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">1) don't give access until you are ready to monitor it (and that includes knowing how it works)</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">2) remember that middle school is a time where identities are very fragile so take that into account</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">3) social media is not a "right", it's a freedom that you can give permission for or say no to</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafbfb; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">4) you can say "not yet" instead of "no"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851070871610170:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851332108250713:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$2:0" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment851063674944223_851244698259454:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span style="line-height: 15.3599996566772px;">What are your thoughts?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-47762357043587396392014-11-05T10:59:00.003-06:002014-11-05T10:59:55.393-06:00A Prayer for our Families- When God Reveals His Son<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QcWB6eZeP-s/Tzmg_G-9z8I/AAAAAAAAAhQ/N4V6DMOFg6c/s1600/319499_2254386411930_1616407311_2192440_967023706_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QcWB6eZeP-s/Tzmg_G-9z8I/AAAAAAAAAhQ/N4V6DMOFg6c/s1600/319499_2254386411930_1616407311_2192440_967023706_n.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jadyn Noelle photography</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Until my typing ability improves, I may do some REALLY short posts, which are a duplicate of my Facebook posts, on 5 Things. <br />
<br />
I can do voice text over my phone for Facebook, so it's much easier. <br />
<br />
If you're on Facebook, "like" us!<br />
<br />
This is today's post.<br />
<br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">A great prayer for pray for our kids- In Galatians 1:11 is Paul talking about how he received the gospel by revelation. "I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ". Verse 15 says "But when God...was pleased to reveal His Son in me..." </span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Let's pray for our family that God will reveal Himself to them. It's nice to know it's not just up to us, but He will do this!</span>Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-17811651491808851032014-10-30T15:09:00.002-05:002014-10-30T15:23:18.471-05:00Why I Slowed Life Down<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RznUUJ50aGg/VFKazNyFiuI/AAAAAAAD_5A/XME0G58PlKc/s1600/blog.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RznUUJ50aGg/VFKazNyFiuI/AAAAAAAD_5A/XME0G58PlKc/s1600/blog.PNG" height="320" width="232" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.rosehilldesign.com/www.Etsy.com">www.rosehilldesign.com/www.Etsy.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Newsflash! A month ago, I had my one year anniversary at my first full time desk job in over 20 years. Even though I went in with a multi-year plan, I also had my last day of full time employment a week later.<br />
<br />
I decided to give my notice, but then agreed to periodic part time work to help through the transition, until a new person was hired. So I technically ended this week, after a very long "leaving" haha.<br />
<br />
So many factors went into this decision. I realize how lucky I am to even have the choice.<br />
<br />
1. Let me reiterate that I LOVE ORU (Oral Roberts University). This is where my husband and I met and went to school years ago, where two of my girls go now, and where I worked this last year. I also say, and mean it, this is where some of the top quality college students go! I loved being in the mix with the students on campus, had FUN with and so appreciated my boss and co-workers, and am so grateful for the quality people who make it an awesome college. I will miss all of that for sure. I'm so glad for the things I learned, the students and people I met while being so closely involved on campus, and I'll miss running into my daughters for sure!<br />
<br />
2. For many years, I worked part time from home doing a variety of things. I always find a way to make a little money. (I'm sure I still will). Then four years ago I took a leap of faith and began to not work at all (for money), with the support of my husband, to concentrate on the girls ministry and program I was attempting to take community wide.<br />
<br />
Looking back, I can see what was accomplished in a couple of years of effort: community girls camps and workshops, after school programs, invitations to speak began, a cookbook published, a book on middle school was started, and a book proposal was requested by a publisher then denied (to be resurrected!).<br />
<br />
3. Then about a year ago, the time for college hit with my girls. Life got more expensive, and I thought I'd help the family budget by contributing again. So I took a full time job at the college my girls attend. My husband didn't ask me to, I just decided to one day. I think I felt the self imposed pressure that "this is what we do now that we're almost empty nesters", and I also felt a bit of fun excitement over a new season and new challenge. I guess I thought I could do it all for a short season.<br />
<br />
4. But now I know I couldn't do it all, at least well. I took on more than I could chew. Often in our culture, we do too much, and run on fumes, instead of doing what we are meant to do, well. It's easy to fall into. I've always been the type that wants to do one thing and do it really well....not so much this last year!<br />
<br />
After trying, I realized I couldn't do a very full time job, be the family member I want to be, take care of myself, and take care of a growing girls outreach. At least not while staying sane. :)<br />
<br />
Granted, part of me feels wimpy at this realization, because the whole world lives like this, it seems!<br />
<br />
But the other part of me is thinking "No wonder our world is as it is!" Life is out of balance, in many ways. I don't do well flying by the seat of my pants in every area, all the time.<br />
<br />
What my spirit wants, is to be where God wants me to be. Exactly where that is, is what I was trying to discern over the last few months. As I was trying to be responsible and help contribute to the needs of family, the Lord started challenging me - wouldn't He take care of me if I take care of His needs (what He wants to accomplish in my family and life, as well as in girls and moms, through whatever He leads me to do)? At the same time, I don't feel like taking this job was a mistake, at all! Don't misunderstand. It had <i>so many</i> good parts, I gained skills, made great contacts, and loved the people interaction. It was tremendous and necessary. But the American/human self-sufficiency is so ingrained in us, even if we don't think it is. I know from experience.<br />
<br />
I fought a mental battle- of being logical and responsible, yet wondering if God was sure He wants me to concentrate on a life well lived and a calling, more than a full time job, (for now. I can't guess the future). I wasn't even sure I was hearing right, because my spirit felt very out of whack compared to how I had been. I felt wimpy and guilty at not being able to do both. Everyone does this, shouldn't I be able to?<br />
<br />
I AM entrepreneurial and work oriented, just in a different way. I do have long term business and ministry goals. There are so many ideas I want to see come to fruition! They need more time and focus than I have been able to give this last year.<br />
<br />
5. I've lived long enough to know that there are seasons to life, and desires change. I have been a stay at home mom, worked part time from home, and now worked full time, all while having kids. So I've done each, and felt right doing each at the time.<br />
<br />
I knew when I quit that I would be misunderstood by some, maybe judged, but I felt willing to take the misunderstandings, and even the jokes. "The four hour work week" and "I'm leaning out, not leaning in".......yeah, yeah, yeah. hahaha. I can see the humor. (Those are plays on two current books, if you didn't know).<br />
<br />
One person asked what message my quitting was giving to my kids. (I didn't mind the question, it was a good one). That made me think, and I was happy with the answer. What's my message? Sometimes it's better to make the hard decision, to go against the flow, to make the unlikely choice, when it feeds the spirit, the family, God's purpose for us, and life in general, instead of employment that feeds in a different way. I realize I have the choice, because my husband works and okay with this. Some don't have the choice I realize, and I'm only speaking of my experience. Some may say my message could be "quit when it's hard" or something similar. I knew that was a possible misunderstanding I might have to deal with, but I knew that wasn't my message.<br />
<br />
Sometimes quality of life is more important than what culture pushes us to do. There is tremendous pressure on women from one angle to work, and pressure from another angle to not work. It's a catch-22. But it's a battle we all feel!<br />
<br />
There is also something that tells us once the kids are older teens, the mom being at home isn't as important. But now I realize that isn't true, for me. There is something to be said for peace in the home, and being present in the way our family needs us to be, instead of trying to do it all, with partial ability.<br />
<br />
Some can handle it all. At this stage in life, it wasn't my forte! So I decided to make a change.<br />
<br />
I can't compare what God is leading me to, with what He is leading others to do. What He asks of me may not be what He asks of you, and vice versa. But for me, the ministry He's called me to is not an option. I don't want it to be! There are people waiting to be reached, plans waiting to be done, writing to be completed, that won't be done until I'm ready to make the room in my life for the purpose He's put before me. And I'm happy to do it! It needs a certain amount of time and energy. I can't<i> help </i>but do the girls ministry. In my spare time, I'm doing research, writing (sometimes only in my head), thinking about the issues of the day, talking to girls and moms, planning events, buying cute things I see for meetings, thinking up new curriculum. It doesn't take effort. (well, the writing does). I'm happy and excited to do these things. They are energizing!<br />
<br />
SO, I am giving my focus to this ministry, to family, and to a balanced life. Meanwhile, I'm asking God to continue to provide for all that we need, like He always has. We Americans can be so good at feeling the pressure to meet our needs ourselves, whether we need to or not, when we can turn to the Lord instead. Doing our part, (and knowing what that part is), and then letting God do the rest, is what He requires. I plan to enjoy this fun season as my girls enjoy the college years, like I did. I'm so blessed they are there! As I get in my place He wants me in for this season, I believe He'll bless every member of our family. I'm thankful for a husband that gives me this freedom.<br />
<br />
And because of the exciting news that my girls outreach became a non profit this summer, I look forward to growing it. When I think of the potential Girls 101 Foundation has, plans are endless! The issues facing girls today as they grow up are only becoming bigger, and we want to help girls grow up well, and be an encouragement to those raising up girls as well.<br />
<br />
That is my newsflash. Just so you know. And an explanation why blogging has been scarce the last few months. It was a full year, lots of milestones and happy occasions, coupled with difficulties too. Isn't that how life is.<br />
<br />
P.S. One final tidbit of news. Carpal tunnel. I got that in the last few months on the job. Or I may not have gotten it (they can't name what is wrong with me yet for sure, it seems to be a combination of things- all I know is that my hand doesn't work right anymore, and that my arm is in a constant state of feeling abnormal). That might have pushed me to a decision making point, whether to keep working or not. I'm dealing with doctors to fix it now. I can't write legibly (torture as a journaler), and can only type for very short amounts of time. (This blog took multiple settings!) So I'll need a little time before all those writing goals come to fruition.<br />
<br />
Speaking of blogging, I miss it! But by the time I finished typing all day at work, the last thing I wanted to do was type more at home. But blogging will continue. I'm experimenting with voice typing, and maybe even using someone to type my voice text into blogs.<br />
<br />
I look forward to this new season. More to come!Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-48382629792862943822014-09-01T08:09:00.001-05:002014-09-01T08:09:09.309-05:00It's Apple Month!Happy September 1! It's APPLE MONTH! I'm so happy that one of my daughters remembered and said something. It was a small encouragement that traditions really do matter. SO, this month I'll post a few apple recipes to make for your families and friends, starting with what I'm making today- Bavarian Apple Torte.<br />
<br />
Bavarian Apple Torte-<br />
<br />
1/2 cup softened butter<br />
1/3 cup sugar<br />
1/4 tsp vanilla<br />
1 cup flour<br />
Cream Cheese filling<br />
Apple Topping<br />
1/2 cup chopped walnuts<br />
<br />
Cream butter and sugar in a small mixing bowl; stir in vanilla. Add flour and mix well. Spread in bottom and 2 inches up the sides of a greased 9" spring form pan.<br />
<br />
Spread cream cheese filling evenly over the pastry; spoon Apple topping over the filling. Sprinkle with nuts (optional).<br />
<br />
Bake at 450 for 10 minutes; reduce temperature to 400 and continue baking 25 minutes. Cool before removing from pan.<br />
<br />
Cream Cheese Filling:<br />
<br />
1 - 8 oz. cream cheese, softened<br />
1/4 cup sugar<br />
1 egg<br />
1/2 tsp vanilla<br />
<br />
Combine cream cheese and sugar. Add egg and vanilla, mixing well.<br />
<br />
Apple Topping:<br />
4 cooking apples, peeled, cored and sliced thin<br />
1/3 cup sugar<br />
1 tsp cinnamon<br />
<br />
Place apples in a large mixing bowl. Sprinkle sugar and cinnamon on top and stir apples to coat.<br />
<br />
(recipe originally from Southern Living Magazine, passed down from my mom).<br />
<br />
It's almost time to pull out the "5 Things- Holiday Style" Celebration/Cookbook that I wrote a couple of years ago! It covers ideas, traditions and recipes for October, November and December. If you don't have your copy, go to Amazon and search for "5 Things- Holiday Style". It's available on Amazon Prime too!<br />
<br />
Here's the link to get yours: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss/182-7559382-9740359?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=5%20THings%20holiday%20styleHolly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-20699788211695801212014-07-12T17:51:00.003-05:002014-07-12T17:51:51.761-05:00FINALLY..(drum roll).... We are a Non-Profit!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zfYMuCuWGOQ/U8G1KnxyLTI/AAAAAAAD0mI/AtghbDFbCgI/s1600/non+profit+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zfYMuCuWGOQ/U8G1KnxyLTI/AAAAAAAD0mI/AtghbDFbCgI/s1600/non+profit+pic.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
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It seems we've been waiting forever to say this, but it's finally a reality! </div>
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Girls 101 Foundation now exists as a non profit.</div>
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The picture above is of myself and my friend, Laura, who volunteers with me in Girls 101 at a local public school. Laura had a non profit that she decided was for me instead, so after meeting with a lawyer, making it all legit and legal, we changed the name of her non profit to Girls 101 Foundation. She remains on the board with me. What a gift. Words cannot thank her enough.</div>
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And we are learning as we are going!</div>
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My other board member is my college roomie, who I just went to see in L.A. She is a psychologist in Long Beach, and gives so much insight to issues of the day. </div>
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Our board had our first conference call after work one day. I decided to sit on campus and enjoy the pretty day while we talked. </div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WSApTEkaKr0/U8G1N6UmKXI/AAAAAAAD0mQ/TBEWPyMwvcs/s1600/board+meeting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WSApTEkaKr0/U8G1N6UmKXI/AAAAAAAD0mQ/TBEWPyMwvcs/s1600/board+meeting.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
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So much more to say, but I am busy getting ready for our "10 Year Celebration and Benefit" on July 29. </div>
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Have you bought a ticket to join us? We are celebrating the beginnings of the girls outreach started 10 years ago, and what it has become now. It evolved from Girls Club as they called it then (no matter what name I tried, the girls wouldn't call it anything else), to Girls 101 as we have branched out to the community.</div>
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We are in two schools now, and plan to start two new ones in the fall. Every school we talk to is interested, so it's really a matter of funds and volunteers!</div>
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If you are interested in volunteering, or giving, please let me know. Or buy your ticket to our Event and come see what we are all about!</div>
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Tickets can be purchased until July 22 at www.girls101.org. See "Purchase Ticket" for event information!</div>
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Grateful.</div>
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Humbled.</div>
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Blessed!</div>
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Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-64691606909501637592014-06-26T03:20:00.002-05:002014-06-26T07:40:13.093-05:005 Biggest Challenges for the American Teen Girl - Pt. 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LQ8g6l0HySA/U6vVlrywOZI/AAAAAAADdJY/uEU905Rhues/s1600/Olivia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LQ8g6l0HySA/U6vVlrywOZI/AAAAAAADdJY/uEU905Rhues/s1600/Olivia.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
Meet Olivia. A girl I've known her whole life. She graduated from a large school district here in town, spent a year in college, then followed an "itch" that wouldn't leave. She is now at the University of Nations in Kona, Hawaii, working with YWAM (Youth With a Mission), doing missions and other exciting things, where she has found freedom!<br />
<br />
I asked her recently for some insight into high school.<br />
<br />
"What are the 5 biggest challenges of American teen girls?"<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1. <b>Figuring out who
they are without the constant opinion of other girls who are also insecure in who
<i>they</i> are.</b> Trying to stay pure in a society that is all about showing that the
unpure way is the only thing that will make you "desirable" or
"wanted", not only by guys but girls too. Girls want to surround
themselves with those other girls that guys want. It gives them security
knowing that they are "in" and people notice them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2. <b>Teenage girls
struggle with the societal opinion that "true love" is the climax of
happiness in life</b>. Whether that be through a movie that everyone talks about,
music that is popular, or even the school system that pairs people off at every
occasion (dances, homecoming, etc.) If you don't have "match" or have someone to make you not "single", then you don't fit in.... you are by yourself in a
sense. You wont be happy until you have fallen in love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.<b> Teenage girls don't
understand what love really is</b>. I know that I didn't learn the difference
between love and lust until after I graduated high school. Understanding that lust looks
for what it can get, and love looks at what it can give.. it is often
misunderstood that people are "in love" when they are truly in lust.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4.<b> Teenage girls
struggle with talking to their parents about what is really being said at
school or by their friends</b>. Often times I found that myself, or my friends were
embarrassed to tell our parents about what people REALLY say at school, and
what really happens. I know that sometimes my friends or I would do something
that was so shameful, but if we told our parents we were scared they would
either get involved, not let us hang out with said person, or be so shocked
that it would intimidate us to wonder what their reaction would be. There is a
lot of pressure, especially in today's age, to be the girl that your parents can
brag about, or are so proud of, that when you do mess up, it is so devastating
to your reputation. It minimizes the times that we are transparent or real with
where we are really at in life. I found that a lot of times I would not want to admit
even to <i>myself</i> that there was a problem because that was not "who I
was", or at least who I was told I was, by my parents or friends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">5. <b>American girls struggle with the pressure of college</b>. It is expected
that we have things figured out about where we are suppose to go in college,
what we are suppose to be doing, how we are going to afford it, etc. At the same time, we are
juggling extra curricular activities we are told we need for
said future. Sports, grades, volunteering. There is all
of this pressure to "know what is next". <i>To often we are asked WHAT
we are going to be doing rather than who we are, what we love, how we are.. the
things that matter</i>. We are not told enough that people will be proud of us for
just simply doing what we love. It is looked down upon to choose to not go
to a university or not know what you want to study. Pretty much every one of my
friends that are in college have wasted thousands of dollars because they felt pressure to pick a major before they even knew what
they loved or liked. That is mainly an educational flaw, but parents can help
in giving that security to say that it is okay to not know who you are yet. It is
okay to have no idea at 18 years old, and be told that in the next 5 years we are not going
to be anywhere close to who we are in our teens.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Overall I think the
number one thing teenage girls struggle with is security. We struggle with who
we are, who we are suppose to be, and what others think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b><i>Of course I had to ask her for more detail, especially about #4. As a mom, this hit me. The fact that our kids may not be real because of not wanting to ruin their reputation, even with us. So do we remain clueless when they really need help? I needed a concrete example of what goes on they would consider shameful, or questionable to tell mom, but is a real thing going on at school. I didn't know if she would give me an answer, but I asked anyway!</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ok, so a situation
would maybe be the complete and total acceptance of sex, and actual
encouragement of it in high school these days. Promiscuity is encouraged and
applauded for some reason. It really depends on the group you are around. I had
three groups of friends in high school-- my party friends, my athletic group of
friends, and my best friends.. all different. Yet in each group the story was
the same. Although of course in the party group this was much more likely to be found. But
especially senior year, everyone is thinking " This is the last year I
want memories" . Even leaders of the Christian clubs and kids you would never expect to fall
did... and it was disappointing to me, but accepted and applauded in the grand
scheme of the high school population. Whether that be sex, alcohol. (which
usually go hand in hand) and all of the other things that come along with the
insecure high school teenager.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #3e454c; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I would say the most
important thing that a girl would need in high school especially in our
generation and culture is a safe place to really be honest about whats going
on. Spiritual warfare is SO STRONG.. and the amount of people that are trying
to fight it, or believe that it's even real, is dwindling rapidly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-53531905266214282014-06-22T17:42:00.000-05:002014-06-22T17:42:39.806-05:00The 5 Biggest Challenges to American Teen Girls- Guest Blog<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BBkYmEECp08/U6bvbzuBP-I/AAAAAAADdEw/XK7olozkG_4/s1600/jamie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BBkYmEECp08/U6bvbzuBP-I/AAAAAAADdEw/XK7olozkG_4/s1600/jamie.jpg" height="151" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jamie is the one in the picture who just graduated. I've had the privilege of getting to know her as she and my daughter have been friends at ORU. She has stayed at our house, spent a month in Africa with my daughter on missions,</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> done Bible studies with us, helped with Girls 101,</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> plenty of things. She has impressed me with her heart for God and what she's allowed Him to do in her life.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;">She would say she has changed a lot since her teenage days, and has let God into the difficult places, and let Him grow her up into the person she was made to be. She also has a blog where she shares some pretty profound thoughts, so you may want to follow her.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wanted to ask her to answer a question I've had for girls who are still relatively close to teenage years. Things have changed so much since we were teens, and I have been curious to hear the thoughts of a few girls who can answer this question:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"What are the 5 biggest challenges to American teen girls?"</span><br />
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Jamie's answer:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;">That's a big question. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666;">1. <b>The pressure to grow up</b>. I feel like a lot of girls just want to be "there" already. They want to wear makeup sooner and play outside less. They want to do what the older grades are doing because it looks cool and more fun.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666;">2. <b>Trying to figure out who you are</b>. Girls want to be so unique but they also don't want to be the odd one out. Nobody ever wants to be the one on the outside of the circle, so I feel like a lot of girls give up things they like in order to be somebody that fits in. They want the likes on Instagram, Facebook, and in school.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666;">3. <b>Boys</b>. They aren't as nice as they seem, and they aren't as mean as they seem. They're young, you're young. Girls want somebody to care about them, they want somebody to call theirs. They want that attention and I think a lot of stupid things happen because they're young and they don't understand the weight of their actions. It's honestly not a big deal to them at the time. Purity isn't really all that cool at that age. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666;">4. <b>Knowing who to be influenced by</b>. Media is crazy today and girls see these beautiful pictures on Pinterest, Instagram, TV, music videos, wherever, and they see how cool that looks. They want their life to hold as much carefree, spontaneous and unique adventure as they see. They see how much fun it looks. Christian media hasn't done a spectacular job of being appealing in the media, and half of that is because we copy what the secular world is doing and slap a cheesy Bible verse on it. Girls don't want to be the odd one out, plain and simple. In the media, they don't see all these perfect girls missing out.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666;">5.<b> Partying</b>. It's happening earlier and earlier and I think that's because of how easily it spreads. Through Snapchat, texting, and pictures that are posted online, girls see girls in the grades above them do it and they think it's okay because they weren't "the first ones". They want to have harmless fun. They hear the stories of their friends laughing for hours on end, or about how they don't remember taking this picture or walking to this place and a lot of girls want to be able to join in on those exclusive conversations. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666;">The overall thing I keep going back to is <b><i>acceptance</i></b>. From friends, boys, the older grades, parents, etc.</span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666;">My name is Jaime Bofferding and I'm graduating from Oral Roberts University with a Psychology degree and a business minor. I am passionate about people, media, and promoting Jesus in an authentic and real way. Check out my blog at: jaimebofferding.wordpress.com</span></i></div>
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Jamie would say that she has found answers to these challenges in her relationship with the Lord, and finding her identity, purpose and acceptance in Him. </div>
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This is a helpful summary of what we can watch for as we guide tweens and teens into adulthood. Girls definitely feel the pressure of these things, and if we know what the problems are, we can be better equipped with some answers.<br />
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Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-23380674132034709162014-05-10T21:02:00.001-05:002014-05-10T21:02:23.118-05:00Being Female in Today's World - Part 2<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7xFBT5BC0GI/U27MdgS8TBI/AAAAAAACuJQ/k_go--etJwY/s1600/DSC01354.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7xFBT5BC0GI/U27MdgS8TBI/AAAAAAACuJQ/k_go--etJwY/s1600/DSC01354.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">jadyn noelle photography</td></tr>
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In <a href="http://www.5things.us/2014/05/being-female-in-todays-world-part-1.html">Part One</a> of this series, we talked about how society views women, as well as some thoughts you shared about the value of being female. If you missed it, catch up <a href="http://www.5things.us/2014/05/being-female-in-todays-world-part-1.html">HERE</a>.<br />
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We left off asking the question, what should our focus be? Who are we supposed to be as females?</div>
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There are so many strengths of females, but we'll just touch on four. </div>
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When I spoke on this subject a few days ago, the audience was from age 9-92. As I thought about adapting the subject to the audience, I realized that these strengths are true whatever age or stage you are currently in. So it applies to any age! On the subject of tween and teen drama (or mean girl stuff at any age), because I have studied the subject for awhile now, these four at at the top of my list, because of one thing I've noticed.</div>
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<i>For every conflict that is common among females, it is in most cases a strength that is misused.</i></div>
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Each of these wonderful strengths has a common misuse. What if we as females, of all ages, could recognize this, and operate in our strengths? So what are these strengths?</div>
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<b>1) We are made to have close relationships.</b> We are made to want and are able to have deep friendships, relationships, and intimacy with God. It's been said that we have an inner relationship manual inside of us. We know when something is wrong and we generally want to do something about it, even if we don't necessarily know how. </div>
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<i>The misuse?</i> Females will often compete to be the closest person to others. Or we'll fight to keep our spot of closeness among friends. Much girl drama is fought over this good strength gone bad. Who's the BEST friend? If a new girl enters the scene, often girls will be mean to her, in fear that she will "steal" her friends away. This misuse shows up in other ways in older stages in life as well. </div>
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<b>2) We are made to be life givers</b>. We can give birth yes. But we are also able to give life in other ways, at every age young and old, with our words, actions and love. Can you think of a time you felt "brought to life" by someone else's words or actions? What do your words do, benefit others or tear them down a little?</div>
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<i>The misuse?</i> Our enemy will fight against this strength by influencing us to do the opposite. Often we use our words and actions to tear others down instead of bringing life. Once again, this is especially true in mean girl stuff, but it applies to many other life situations too. Females can be our biggest support or biggest hindrance. You have to decide how you want to be used- to bring life to others or to tear them down? Listen to your words and see what you hear.</div>
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<b>3) We are influencers.</b> We can affect and make change. <i>We can change a culture </i>slowly by how we birth and raise godly character-filled children. <i>We can change situations</i> by our prayers. <i>We can change feelings </i>of those around us by our encouragement. We can stop mean girls by speaking up, or by sticking up for a friend, by understanding why people do what they do. You can be a godly example to your sphere of influence.</div>
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<i>The misuse? </i>Females are able to influence in ways that are negative. Manipulation is a distortion of influence. But also, think of females who have used their influence in ways you wouldn't choose. Many use their femininity in ways that affect culture and girls in ways that aren't godly. They definitely have power and influence. Girls often follow and want to be like them. On a local level, have you ever been to a school that has an atmosphere affected by the cattiness of females there? They are influencing for the negative, but they are influencing. The good news is, if a few girls decide to be different, they also can affect the atmosphere of a school by standing up against the competitive mean nature of some girls. </div>
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We have to choose how to use our influence. For the good of others, for our own selfish motives, or to be used by God to make life better for others?</div>
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<b>4) We are made to reflect beauty. </b>Women love to create beauty. It is evident, in how we make a house a home, decorate a room, or create beauty in centerpieces for women's events. In another angle, we all want to know if we are beautiful. What happens when girls take a picture on their phone? What is next? They all want to see what they look like, then decide if it needs to be taken again. We are all looking to be beautiful. If you are among the ones hiding, not wanting to be in the picture, or not wanting to see the picture afterwards, what are you avoiding? Not appearing beautiful? It's a natural inborn question that we need the Lord to answer- <i>Am I beautiful? </i>If we don't let the Lord answer it, we will look for the answer in many other sources, but we'll get it answered. </div>
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Our beauty is not only in our appearance, but even more in our confidence and godliness. What if we stopped obsessing over physical, still took care of ourselves without obsessing, and decided to be confident about the goods we were given? The hair we have, the eyes we have, the body shape we have naturally. What if we asked God what was truly unique about us from His perspective, then ran with it? </div>
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<i>The misuse is rather obvious in today's world</i>. We have a cultural obsession over looks, unattainable perfection that we can never measure up to. We have paranoia over how we look and how others see us. We misunderstand beauty and focus on the wrong things. True inner beauty is the best makeup anyway (and I definitely still wear makeup!!) True beauty transforms how we look. </div>
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In a world that shows females in so many negative ways, we have to be proactive in helping girls and women know their true strengths and purposes, and see value of being female. </div>
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We can't forget, Jesus is our core, our center, our stability, our anchor. Without relationship with Him, and without understanding how He created us to be unique and amazing, we will use our strengths as weaknesses. He takes away insecurity as we grow with Him. He takes away competitive selfishness, as we understand our value in Him. As we grow in our relationship with Him, He makes us more able to see others in a better light, When we aren't busy battling for our own position, we are able to help people get into theirs. </div>
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On Mother's Day this year, no matter what age or stage you are, not only celebrate moms, but you can celebrate being female. It's a good thing! </div>
Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-34155607396158012352014-05-08T21:17:00.000-05:002014-05-08T21:17:47.457-05:00Being Female in Today's World- Part 1<div class="MsoNormal">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nVweUYfukYM/U2w3jHl0Y7I/AAAAAAACrUg/JiwYOAFigFw/s1600/beautiful+sarah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nVweUYfukYM/U2w3jHl0Y7I/AAAAAAACrUg/JiwYOAFigFw/s1600/beautiful+sarah.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">jadyn noelle photography</td></tr>
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The subject of raising girls in today's world conjures up many thoughts, proven by MANY conversations I've either been a part of or have eavesdropped on in public. It's rarely a boring conversation!</div>
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I
had lunch with some people at work the other day that I don't know. When the subject of raising daughters came up, one of the ladies said the funniest line, as she summarized her thoughts on raising her own
daughter. She said, “When my daughter was 9, I said ‘I can’t
do this’; when she was 11 I considered sending her to boarding school; and when
she was 13, I considered going to boarding school!" That's a good summary of a fairly common thought!</div>
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Recently in preparation for my talk at a local church on the value of being female, I asked a question on my Facebook page "5 Things" to see what women had to say. I asked the question: One of the values or benefits of being female is _________:</div>
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Some answers you gave: </div>
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<li>giving birth and giving life</li>
<li>we are
caretakers yet taken care of</li>
<li>we are emotional creatures and life would be
meaningless without emotion</li>
<li>having such strong, raw emotions-sometimes it
hinders, but mostly it helps me to experience life in the truest sense</li>
<li>motherhood</li>
<li>the innate ability to be compassionate</li>
<li>nursing a
child</li>
<li>we are strong- stronger
than we think</li>
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I add to that that we are creators, receivers, have power,
are able to nurture, we have an intuition, an inner desire for relationship, we
hold families together, and are able to go deep with the Lord.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Everywhere I go, I hear people say “OH NO” to raising girls
in today’s world. Why? The reasons seem to be the dangers, it’s hard to control
what they do in a culture so immoral, the pressures so strong and the role
models so low. Raising girls is expected to be hard. But I say that’s the wrong
point of view.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p> </o:p> </div>
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Let’s talk for a minute about how females are viewed in our
society. First, there is so much gender confusion in today’s world. Knowing the
value of why God created males and females has always been important, but it's becoming increasingly important. The strengths He gave each are important.</div>
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When I say “how
females are viewed in society”, I’m talking about culture <i>in general</i>- the culture we live in- the news, the media,
the movies and books, the music, the culture in schools and on social media, etc. Not necessarily how you are living<i> your</i> life. How our culture portrays females slips in, no matter how protective we try to be, so it’s good to understand and think through these issues with our girls, as is age appropriate. I am generalizing in the broadest sense.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Think of baby girls- they are everything sweet, cuddly and princess-y. Girls are talkers and fun and frilly. As they grow into
toddlers, we talk about how smart they are, what they are learning.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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The elementary years are adventurous years, where they try new
things and find new talents- maybe sports, leadership in school clubs, music, drama, art, being smart, enjoying
life. Somewhere toward the older elementary years, the worrisome thoughts creep into girls' minds about looks, girl
drama, mean girls and sometimes the confusing, yet fun subject of liking boys! Many adults look at these
girls as though they are way too young to possibly be worrying about any of these subjects, but
the young girls are definitely feeling the stresses early. Thinking about looks,
popularity, boys and how to deal with drama.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p> </o:p>As teen years hit, many in our culture have a view that teen
years are going to be certain way. There is little we can do about the fact that girls become
high maintenance, hard to get along with, sassy to parents and into things such
as friend drama, dating, immorality, partying, etc. We sometimes fall for this! But I disagree that it's a given. </div>
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As adults, sometimes we are
afraid of these years and are reactive instead of proactive. We may assume the worst and expect things to
be hard. We may put up with negative behavior in girls because “that’s the way
girls are”. We put on our “YIKES” hat and think we can’t affect our girls in
this stage. I believe that is so untrue!</div>
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People
rise to the level of expectation. God never said the teen years have to be a terrible experience. They may have some difficulties and have rough periods, but we don't have to expect the worst and toss up our hands. If
we consistently teach godly principles and have those as our standard, maybe some drama can
be saved. We can concentrate on character at each stage and have <i>that</i> be our
guideline. It certainly doesn't mean that the years will be a breeze, but we can prepare for them way ahead of time. Actually, the young years are the training ground for how teen years will be.</div>
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The biggest problems in teen life become – who are my friends, do I
have a boyfriend, and do I look good? The value of being female begins to show
up as “how do I look, and am I desirable to guys?” instead of who they are
inside, what they are gifted with.. what <i>we</i> see. Their view has often changed since childhood.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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What’s interesting, in talking with many tweens, they feel
tremendous pressure to grow up too fast. It’s easy to assume they want to, but
when I've asked, almost 100% say they would rather remain young longer, and just enjoy being
a kid. Who knew. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As we grow older, the value that society largely puts on adult women is still in our looks, our youth and our sexiness. Like that’s the
biggest aim we should have. That feeling gets transferred to our kids very
young. The Girls 101 workshops we've done with girls as young as 5<sup>th</sup> grade prove that they have thoughts of self
loathing about their looks and their size already. Negative thoughts don't necessarily go
away as we get older, we just mask it differently.<i> Some</i> women have gotten
beyond it, and don’t see their value in looks. But the pressure of
perfection and our looks is very prevalent. The Lord helps us through that as
we mature. We can get beyond it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Even the mean girl stuff- that doesn’t always go away with
age either. Women are either our biggest
hindrance, or our biggest support. There is nothing more powerful than a group
of women who support each other. Women who aren’t
competitive is a beautiful thing. On the other hand, little is as destructive as mean women. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As adults, there are varied expectations of women. Either we are expected to get a degree and make good money and compete with
men, or we are to be the best stay-at-home-super-mom there is, making
everything from organic sources while blogging about it. But we are to be <i>busy</i>
and <i>excel</i> at whatever we do, regardless of what we choose. AND, we are to
stay desirable no matter what happens; stay young, keep our body in shape after
birthing several children, etc. Whew!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Older women- do you feel expected to be available, to
help raise more kids (grandkids), to afford this, work here, volunteer there,
be good moms and grandmas? Maybe it’s finally time to live<i> your</i> dreams, when in
reality you are tired from making everyone else’s happen. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I don’t think all of these negative assumptions society makes about
females, or that we put on ourselves, is how God intended us to be when He designed us. I don’t think He made
us to be difficult and competitive. </div>
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I think we misunderstand femininity and expect
too little.</div>
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Maybe we are just misusing our strengths!<o:p></o:p></div>
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In Part 2, we will take a look at:<br />
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What should our focus be then? What are the strengths God gave us as
women?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Stay tuned.</div>
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Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-21370385091808344032014-04-29T22:58:00.001-05:002014-04-29T22:58:23.515-05:00Reading Partners<br />
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Do you know about Reading Partners yet?? It is a fabulous organization, connecting adult volunteers with children who need help reading.<br />
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One of my hopes through getting volunteers to local schools via Girls 101 workshops, is that volunteers will fall in love with reaching kids and want to share their time even more, outside of our workshop time. My friend Laura volunteers with Girls 101, but now with Reading Partners also. Once she got into Sequoyah Elementary where we've held Girls 101 workshops, and met the children and saw the need, she was hooked. She started giving her time weekly to tutor a couple of children who need some extra help. I recently got to meet some ladies who head up this organization. I asked Laura to share a few words about her experience. If you love education, love to read and want to be part of the solution, this is an organization I'd recommend. I'll let Laura say it in her words:<br />
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If you are the kind of person who loves to read, enjoys spending time with children AND you feel drawn to do something very special.... someone is looking for you. There's an awesome program in place at a few local elementary schools called "Reading Partners". It's an educational non-profit organization that provides one-on-one literacy tutoring to students struggling with reading. As one of the volunteers I have been gifted with watching children develop a true love of books, reading and a more vibrant curiosity about learning. I have seen them go from bored to eager and from gloomy to confident. Ever thought that you could be a Hero? Through this program you can be a mentor, a leader, and a friend to a student in need. I encourage you to contact Jill Stillwagon at <a href="mailto:jill.stillwagon@readingpartners.org" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">jill.stillwagon@<wbr></wbr>readingpartners.org</a> or call <a href="tel:918-949-1979" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" value="+19189491979">918-949-1979</a>. I tutor at Sequoyah Elementary in Tulsa and would love to see you there. Laura Francis</div>
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Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-54953012896894569152014-04-17T21:30:00.000-05:002014-04-17T21:30:18.934-05:00Easter Lamb Bread <div style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Easter celebrations. What do you do? The one tradition that has been consistent in our house is the lamb bread. </div>
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Be careful what you start when they're young, moms! :) Actually, I love making this lamb bread, though I admit this year it is a stretch. I'm tired, but I have two days to rejuvenuate before then. Over the years it's finally become easy to make. Not so much in the beginning. </div>
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It represents the Passover Lamb, and ultimately, Jesus. When the kids were younger, we'd comment about what the Lamb symbolizes as we made it or had dinner. Last time I asked, I was met with silence and stares. Time to move on. HA. They all know already. </div>
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It's sad to tear it apart and eat it. Especially the head. But it brings giggles to young ones too.</div>
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I'm sure it was sad to give up the cute little lamb to be sacrificed back in Bible days too. </div>
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Here he is before he's cooked. He gets so puffy when he's done! Wait, I can't figure out how to </div>
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reposition the picture. Oh well, here he is, uncooked and sideways.</div>
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I'm so thankful this Easter weekend for Jesus being the Passover Lamb, the final and perfect sacrifice for us all. </div>
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A group of college girls and I have been studying the subject of Covenant in Bible study this semester. </div>
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The lesson this week was perfectly timed with Easter. Knowing that Jesus was the Lamb of God, sacrificed for our sins, and seeing it so detailed in the Bible, is something that never gets old. God has gone to great lengths to make an amazing covenant with us. It's my favorite Bible study I've done.</div>
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Here is a dedicated group of young ladies:</div>
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Happy Easter everyone! You now know about lamb bread, and have enough time to try and make it!</div>
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Oh a recipe. Basically, make your favorite kind of homemade bread. Roll it out flat. Cut the shape of the main body out. Use extra dough to add on feet, a head, ear, and a little tail. Half the dough you will use to roll out bread balls to put all over the body. Let is rise like you normally would and bake!</div>
Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-3739156269239907022014-03-17T12:27:00.003-05:002014-03-19T23:03:42.093-05:00Rating Girls on Social Media<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TpCj9FG2dvY/UypohBVCuFI/AAAAAAABb6g/KKrWI7oZvr0/s1600/DSC01830.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TpCj9FG2dvY/UypohBVCuFI/AAAAAAABb6g/KKrWI7oZvr0/s1600/DSC01830.JPG" height="320" width="255" /></a>This was in the news yesterday.<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/This%20was%20in%20the%20news%20yesterday.%20Use%20this%20news%20story%20as%20a%20talking%20point%20with%20your%20kids%20to%20see%20what%20they're%20seeing%20on%20social%20media.%20What's%20interesting,%20is%20some%20girls%20do%20this%20to%20each%20other%20(pretty%20much)%20on%20Instagram....mainly%20in%20middle%20school.%20They%20vote%20each%20other%20out%20of%20a%20contest%20of%20girls,%20based%20on%20the%20pictures%20posted.%20That's%20not%20much%20different,%20do%20you%20think?%20http://abcnews.go.com/US/march-madness-style-bracket-rates-high-school-girls/story?id=22931162">March Madness Bracket Rates High School Girls</a><br />
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At a high school in Maryland, some guys set up a bracket of the top 4 best looking girls in each grade, then they would vote for the best looking.<br />
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And it's all public, on social media.<br />
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Use this news story as a talking point with your kids to see what they're seeing on social media.<br />
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Does it matter? Why is this ok or why is it wrong? How does it affect the guys voting and how does it affect the girls?<br />
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What's interesting, is some girls do this to each other (pretty much) on Instagram....mainly in middle school. They vote each other out of a contest of girls, based on the pictures posted. That's not much different, do you think?<br />
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Discussion Starters: Have you seen girls or guys do this to each other on Instagram? Why do people do this? How do you think it makes people feel?Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-73175171805867286412014-03-09T19:59:00.002-05:002014-03-09T19:59:33.891-05:00Why She Prayed Each Day To Be LighterDark skinned beauty is less represented in our culture than it should be, that's a given. Have you read or watched this amazing speech that left Oprah and Chaka Khan (among others) speechless?<br />
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Best Supporting Actress Academy Award winner Lupita Nyong’o, of <i>12 Years a Slave</i>, felt so underrepresented by the entertainment industry as a young girl of Kenyan descent growing up in Mexico City, that she prayed she “would wake up lighter skinned”. She would check each morning to see if God answered her prayers.<br />
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He didn't, at least not in the way she originally wanted. Watch this moving speech.<br />
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I think she is proof that beauty comes in all shades.<br />
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Thank goodness for role models like her.Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-73503701712408981502014-03-08T15:42:00.003-06:002014-03-08T15:42:41.083-06:00Tulsans, A Must See- if you like stories of hope and forgiveness<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xzn4szbgbY0/UxuOoh4Iq0I/AAAAAAAABpg/vnkadGFYqnE/s1600/left+to+tell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xzn4szbgbY0/UxuOoh4Iq0I/AAAAAAAABpg/vnkadGFYqnE/s1600/left+to+tell.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
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A friend of mine passed this news on to me today. An author of one of the most riveting books I've read will be in Tulsa this week to speak at a church. <br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I must pass this opportunity along.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Immaculee Ilibagiza, the author of "Left to Tell- Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust" </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> is going to be speaking this Wednesday n</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">ight at St. Benedict Catholic Church, 2200 W. Ithica in Broken Arrow. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">She is the woman that survived the Rwandan Genocide by hiding in a bathroom with 6 other women for 90 days while the Hutus used machetes to kill the Tutsis to death. She has a great message of survival and forgiveness.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">It's not often we get to see someone in person who has survived such horrible circumstances, chosen to forgive and use the experience to inspire people. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I urge you to read her book.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">And to come see her speak if you can!</span><br />
<br />Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-10889810355133861752014-03-03T21:33:00.000-06:002014-03-03T21:33:21.188-06:00Too Much for Mom?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Let's get controversial- I have some friends and girls I respect that I know will disagree with me, and let me say I'm not into bashing PEOPLE, and I've sung along to Beyonce before, but I AM into being discerning of intake.<br />
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I'm sharing this blog from <a href="http://themattwalshblog.com/">The Matt Walsh Blog</a> today, as food for thought. So take a moment and read <a href="http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/02/28/dear-america-youre-too-smart-to-listen-to-beyonce/">America- You're Too Smart To Listen To Beyonce</a> before continuing.<br />
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I share this because of the point he's making- about being careful of the input we are listening to and putting into our spirits. If you read the lyrics and subject matter of the songs referred to, I agree- which is why some music, tv shows and movies I won't listen to or watch...for me, it's really because I respect my mind and spirit too much to let things that I feel are going to not feed my spirit in a positive way or will "kill brain cells" (my words).<br />
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Obviously Beyonce is an amazing performer, but I'm saying if we want to be discerning about input that affects our insides, as much as people are into being discerning about food that's put inside of us that affect our bodies, this is something to think about at least.<br />
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Can I listen to things that are opposite of what I believe in and teach?<br />
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As someone asked me "What do you think is going to happen if you do listen to it?" Nothing dramatic in small doses maybe, but if that becomes the normal intake, do we believe that what goes in doesn't affect our thoughts at all? Or affect our culture at all? It's at least something to think about.<br />
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It's interesting that Beyonce <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20771638,00.html">said in an interview she's too embarrassed to play these songs in front of her mom. </a><br />
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As my husband has told our kids, which is a pretty balanced perspective, once in a while we can have junk food, but we have to be careful what it is and how much we have, or it affects our health. We need to watch our "diet".<br />
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H also tells them if they find themselves in bad moods, sad or having attitudes, they should stop and take a look at their music and media intake. It affects us.<br />
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I would love if Beyonce used her amazing talent for a better message. She's such an influencer of young people, both girls and guys alike.<br />
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Please feel totally free to share your thoughts, whether you agree or not. I'm interested to hear. If you disagree, I'd love to hear the reasons why.<br />
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I am into making people think, so I'm open to people making ME think. :)<br />
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What do you think?Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-60657079274685872622014-02-18T23:45:00.001-06:002014-02-18T23:45:09.630-06:00A February Challenge That Can Make a Difference<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.<br />
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We may think we don't need to know about dating violence, but we <i>do</i>.<br />
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We have posted so many resources and statistics on our website for you. Go to our home page <a href="http://www.5things.us/">www.5things.us</a> and click on the tab "National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month". There are statistics, resources, quizzes, polls, real stories from girls I know, and a recommended movie to watch for a discussion starter.<br />
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Why not gather a group of girls you know this month and watch the movie, or go over some stats, or just ask some questions? Get a conversation started. Because I've discovered, once someone starts the conversation, needed things happen.<br />
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Let's be there for our girls.Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-11195616209654099362014-02-17T20:53:00.000-06:002014-02-17T20:53:10.902-06:00Can Your BF Pass This Quiz?<br />
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<span style="background-color: #bbbbbb; color: white; letter-spacing: 3px; margin: inherit; padding-bottom: 0.4em; padding-left: 0.4em; padding-right: 0.4em; padding-top: 0.4em;">Wednesday, February 13, 2013</span></h2>
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Can Your BF Pass this Quiz?</h3>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Stop Teen Abuse Credit: Carey Hope</span></td></tr>
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"He's so dreamy, so nice, so thoughtful."<br /><br />Then over time, he begins to do some things that make you a little uncomfortable, but maybe, you think, it's just a bad day? You find yourself thinking, "Maybe I did something wrong to cause it? Surely that won't be normal."<br /><br />You find yourself explaining him to people...<br /><br />"It's kinda sweet, he <i>always</i> wants to know where I am and who I'm with. He really cares... kinda romantic!"<br /><br />"He just doesn't like my friends that much, I mean, he likes them I guess, but he'd rather not hang out with them. That's ok.... I guess."<br /><br style="background-color: #fefdfa; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />Do you ever wonder about some things your boyfriend does? Is it normal?<br /><br />There are a couple of great websites to help answer that question.<br /><br /><span style="background-color: #fefdfa; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">One is <a href="http://www.loveisrespect.org/" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;">www.loveisrespect.org</a>.</span><span style="background-color: #fefdfa; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> This website is FULL of info, resources, quizzes, help for teens and parents, and even a text-in peer advocate line.</span><br /><br style="background-color: #fefdfa; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: #fefdfa; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">If you want to<span style="font-size: medium;"> take the quiz</span> to see if you are in a healthy relationship, click here: </span><a href="http://blog.loveisrespect.org/wp-content/themes/loveisrespect-3.0/images/quizzes/LIR_Quiz_HealthyRelationship.swf" style="background-color: #fefdfa; color: #7d181e; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-decoration: initial;">Healthy Relationship Quiz</a><span style="background-color: #fefdfa; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">. </span><br /><span style="background-color: #fefdfa; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Another great source- Here is a checklist from <a href="http://www.stayteen.org/" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;">www.stayteen.org</a>: </span></span><br /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><br /><h2 class="article-title" style="background-image: url(http://stayteen.org/sites/all/themes/st_theme/images/featured-bg-bottom.gif); background-position: 0% 100%; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; color: #ffe16f; font-family: Impact; font-size: 44px; font: normal normal bold 11px/normal 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 55px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: -5px; padding-bottom: 27px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative; text-transform: uppercase;">
DATING ABUSE CHECKLIST</h2>
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Sometimes it can be almost impossible to look at your relationship objectively. But if you’re concerned that your partner is abusive, your instincts are probably right. Go through our dating abuse checklist and see if your partner has said or done any of the things below. Can you answer agree with some or many of the statements below? If so, it’s time to think about getting help and getting out.<br /><ul style="line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0.5em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 2.5em; padding-top: 0px;">
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<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner calls me mean names like "stupid" or "fat" or “worthless”.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner acts jealous of the time I spend with friends, family, or people I’m in class with.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner gets angry about the clothes I wear or how I style my hair or they try to control how I look.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner checks up on me by calling, driving by my house, or getting someone else to call/drive by my house.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner always wants to know who I talk to on the phone or who I’ve texted.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner says it’s my fault when they have a bad day or are in a bad mood.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner throws or destroys things when angry.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner hits walls, drives dangerously, or does other things that scare me.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner drinks excessively or uses drugs.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner insists that I drink or use drugs whenever they do.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner often accuses me of cheating or of being into other people.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner doesn’t respect my privacy (he/she reads my email, goes through my personal things, demands access to my desk/locker, insists on seeing my text message history).</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner has threatened to hurt me.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner has threatened to commit suicide if I leave.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner has intentionally hit, kicked, slapped, punched, or otherwise hurt me.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner has given me visible bruises, welts, or cuts.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner forces me to go further sexually than I want to.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My partner is mean to me in front of other people, but sweet, kind, and apologetic when we’re alone.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">My friends have told me they worry about me because of my partner/ think my partner is abusive.</li>
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Talk to a parent or adult today. Get someone else's opinion. Be honest with them. You deserve to be treated with respect.<br /><br />You can call or text this Hotline- 24 hours a day. Seven days a week.<br /><br />Text "loveis" to 77054. Or call 1-866-331-9474</div>
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Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-71793767343571401532014-02-08T09:58:00.001-06:002014-02-08T09:58:21.512-06:00Surely It Won't Happen To Anyone I Know<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Each February for the last few years I have dedicated my efforts to National Dating Violence Awareness Month. This started kind of on accident.<br />
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A group of high school girls and I were having regular meetings one year, when the TV channel Lifetime came out with a movie about dating violence, to increase awareness and discussion. This movie is called "Reviving Ophelia", based on a book I had read, so I figured we may as well watch it.<br />
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Well, as I've discovered, once discussion is opened, there is more going on than meets the eye. The movie does a good job in showing early warning signs of unhealthy relationships before someone escalates to violence. A couple of girls recognized early behaviors in the movie character that looked a lot like people they dated. I was surprised that we had hit on a need just among the small group of girls I knew, therefore I knew this had to be an ongoing topic of awareness.<br />
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Each year, I've heard at least 1, sometimes 2, 3 and 4, instances of someone I know who has experienced either unhealthy dating relationships or violence. When we start talking, so do others. It is a conversation we have to have with our kids, girls and boys alike. There are stories of boys who have had abusive behavior coming from girls.<br />
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This conversation we must have is also about healthy and unhealthy relationships, how to recognize early signs of abusive behavior<i> before</i> physical violence takes place. There are many warning signs of abusive people that manifest before physical violence takes place.<br />
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There are things we can educate ourselves on- patterns and behaviors of dating partners that are not healthy. If we can recognize those early enough, maybe we can help people get out of unhealthy relationships before worse things happen.<br />
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Other times we are victims of dating violence with no warning, which is devastating. In those situations, there has to be support, conversation, and understanding to help girls recover.<br />
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There is so much to share on the subject. A good beginning is to share this link. President Obama has declared February National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and is making a special effort to decrease violence among college students, where it is so prevalent. You can read this on the link below.<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/goog_757247805"><br /></a>
<a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/01/31/presidential-proclamation-national-teen-dating-violence-awareness-month">http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/01/31/presidential-proclamation-national-teen-dating-violence-awareness-month</a>-<br />
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<a href="http://www.loveisrespect.org/">Www.loveisrespect.org</a> is a wonderful resource for advice, quizzes to find out if your relationship is healthy, educational information, promotional materials, as well as how to get help for those in questionable relationships.<br />
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I also recommend watching the movie "Reviving Ophelia" with high schoolers and older. Watch it first yourself for content so you can decide on appropriate ages to view it. The movie can be purchased online with a quick google search. It can be found on <a href="http://www.mylifetime.com/">www.mylifetime.com</a> and even has a study guide that can be downloaded for discussion points.<br />
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Get educated. Get help for yourself or for a friend. Be aware so you know what to watch for. Spread the word.<br />
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It's so important.Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-47503901984562356392014-01-25T08:00:00.002-06:002014-01-25T08:00:38.523-06:00Cloudy or Focused? Breaking from the Crazy<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jadyn Noelle Photography</td></tr>
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I recently decided to take a break from the crazy. My world had become too cloudy. (The wording "breaking from the crazy" was just borrowed from my friend Michelle. It perfectly describes what happened.)<br />
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Let's start with this: We are addictive people by nature. There are so many things to be addicted to these days. Right?<br />
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Sometimes it takes giving things up to see how much we are affected by them.<br />
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Occasionally I get tired of social media, then realize my angst is funny because I can choose to turn it off. The times I get fed up with it most are when I see adults sharply jabbing each other over their differing opinions on controversial topics. I get queasy over what we're doing, and take a break. <br />
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For example, there was a blog from a mom nicely correcting girls on a topic some need to be corrected on. (I'm not going to refer to it because I don't want to jump in the melee). Facebook blew up with her blog, and a slew of people hated on her and wrote blogs in protest. (This has happened more than once with different blogs). People I know and respect were on both sides of the argument. Both had valid points. But the spiteful approach is more than I can bear. That makes me slide away from the entire topic and click "logout". I don't want to be a part of that world. <br />
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The truth is, I read people I disagree with almost everyday. I read to keep an open mind and to hear perspectives other than mine- to gain insight, to keep informed, to understand. Never have I been tempted to leave a mean comment on a blog or an article. I'm choosing to read their article and their perspective- if I don't like it, I can choose to stop reading it, or to write my own perspective in a different place. <br />
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We worry about kids being mean to each other, yet there is an online world of adults beating each other up with comments and blog-one-upping. Maybe it takes debaters to save society-(I do see a few meaningful, respectfully-disagreeing debates that are well done), but the hateful stuff, it's just not my style.<br />
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Then I think about the opinionated blogs I've written- Am I doing the same thing? Am I contributing? If I write about something I feel strongly about, am I coming across as dissing anyone? I hope not. It honestly makes me not want to write sometimes. I don't always like the online world I see. Can I write about a topic that I believe in, even a topic that may be controversial, without joining this craziness? I hope so. But sometimes I'm not sure.<br />
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There are so many articles out there. So much news. SO much information. I think sometimes<i> too much</i> information.<br />
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Over Christmas break, I had almost two weeks off, and decided to take a break from social media. I wanted to give my mind a break, and be fully present. It was amazing and liberating. My mind had so much room in it. I realize how much extra time I had. It was a vacation for my mind. <br />
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One of the struggles I've had since starting to work full time is figuring out when to have my alone time and when to do Bible study, one of my favorite things (and my lifeline to survival). Over break, during the fast of social media, my focus was Bible study.<br />
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Here's what I re-realized: The overload of ideas, information, news and opinions <em>cloud my mind</em>. The Word of God, and God's voice through it, <em>sharpens and focuses me. </em><br />
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The absolute polar opposite effect in me is mind boggling. Cloudy vs. Focused. <br />
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Just like overeating- when I stuff myself with any and everything and then feel like a blob, (but at the time it feels good) vs. when I finally take care of my diet and am amazed at how good I feel.<br />
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The absolute focus, <em>and the quickness at which it enters</em>, is a relief in this world of so many opinions. For those who may not understand God's Word, it says in Hebrews that He IS the Word, that He's speaking through it to us, that the Word of God is active and alive, cutting through things straight to our hearts where we need it. I feel it. I feel the difference between that and human information.<br />
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It doesn't mean we stop reading, writing, or debating for what we believe in. Because here I sit writing a blog that someone may read. And I'm back on social media, in balance. For me, it has to be balanced out with the priority of keeping God's voice clear. His voice and opinion are really the only ones that matter to me.<br />
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I want to live sharp and focused, not like a blob of information and opinion.<br />
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I want <em>you </em>to live sharp and focused, hearing God's voice above all, even over any little blog I may write giving my opinion on a topic. Dismiss me if you need to, as long as you hear God.<br />
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I want to be, and want us all to be, careful what we fill our minds with- informed, but aware of the <em>ultimate</em> truth. <br />
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Cloudy vs. Focused- where do you stand today?<br />
<br />Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1002613940214653957.post-69708599634868091832014-01-13T20:17:00.001-06:002014-01-13T20:17:19.779-06:00Does God Really Hear My Prayers?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A friend and I spent some wonderful time recently talking to, praying with and helping a young adult understand the process of growing in God's ways.<br />
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It's a great thing is to see a young person who has been through some stuff, at a young age, coming back to the ways they were raised in, not because of what anyone else says, but because it's what they want and have chosen.<br />
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And most importantly, it's because of the One who never gives up on us or leaves us alone, no matter what we do. He's relentless, yet a gentleman, in wanting relationship with us.<br />
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I was happy for the mom who can be at peace again, knowing that her child is choosing wisely again. Be encouraged, if you have one who is dabbling in iffy behavior. Keep praying for them. Prayers get answered.Holly Tumpkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14916207862297293279noreply@blogger.com1