2 Things Girls Fight Over the Most
Who likes who..
and who's hanging out with who.
I like him, oh my gosh, no I like him! She's looking at my boyfriend, I hope she knows she better stay away from him, he's mine...or...Why are you so obsessed with boys? Come one, let's go ride bikes. I'm gonna go home if you don't get off the phone with him.
I don't want to go out of town Friday mom! Jackie asked me to hang out with her and I really want to! If I can't then she might not ask me again, or she'll hang out with someone else instead. If you make me go I won't get into this group! Or....Ohhhh, I guess I'm sad because Sophie started hanging out with the new girl in our class. They keep ignoring me, it's like I don't exist anymore.
We girls love to be loved, don't we? We all have a tendency to want to be the queen. It seems everyone is peddling and jockeying for the best position, where they will then feel secure. Girls will fight for the position of "girlfriend" or "best friend". If anyone dares threaten her position, the gloves may come off.
Almost every fight comes back to a girl feeling like someone is threatening her position.
She wants to be Todd's girlfriend. So she "claims him" and tells everyone she likes him. Now no one else is "allowed" to talk to him or look at him because he's "hers". She gets mad at girls who may also be after him, and she may even get mad at girls who simply answer his question or hand him a pencil. She's declared her "position", his girlfriend, whether it's true yet or not. And don't mess with it! Or else.
Having a best friend is vastly important to some girls. If a third person comes along and threatens a girl's position as "best friend", all hell can break loose. Devastation may ensue. Girls may do all sorts of things to someone who appears threatening to her.
One thing I try to get across to girls is that first, none of us own each other. Just because you like a boy doesn't mean that you own him or you can control who he has a conversation with.
Secondly, friends are gifts, they aren't possessions. There is even room enough for three (or more) to be friends! There's enough friendship and love in the world for everyone to survive if one more person is added to the mix. No one owns you and no one should be able to make you do certain things or hang out with certain people. Conversely, you don't own a friend and can't control who they like and do things with. You may or may not be included every single time in others' plans.
These are big thoughts for middle schoolers, but they can "get it". Not everyone will play along, and some will always choose competition and drama, but explain these truths to those who listen to you, and it will help those who have the ears to hear.
Be flexible. Give space. Give grace.