Ugh. One of those days I gave up. Too emotionally tired to move on. One of those "mom give-up moments".
I walked in my daughter's room to find two of my kids huddled in bed with a laptop, so I simply inquired what they were watching. "Love in the Wild". Hmmm. Never heard of that one. So I asked about it. I guess something similar to The Bachelor, but held out in the wild. The great outdoors. Inwardly moaning, but not wanting to fight the battle, I leave.
Blasted online tv service. These kids know more than I can keep up with. I never even heard of the site that they are watching from, and it is one of my top goals to stay more informed than they are!
Unsettled feeling inside me, because we don't watch The Bachelor at my house. (Yes they have seen it with friends on occasion, but it's not regular, or viewed at my house. However, once they're on their own, they're on their own to view whatever they want. Just not at my house). Talk about teaching girls all the wrong ways to go about finding a man. It seems so desperate.
Many of my friends watch it and I'm not judging, this is just a personal decision. I understand some ladies get together and watch it just to make fun of it. That's like when my college roomie and I used to buy ice cream and lock ourselves in our dormroom to eat it all ourselves as we made fun of Miss America pageants (sorry pageant fans). It was an event. But the grown up me, and shows like The Bachelor, just don't mix. I just can't support it. My soap box. Now there's ANOTHER show like it? Great.
The oldest daughter I can't really say much to, she's pretty much on her own. But just because she's free doesn't mean I want the younger ones being "free" with her. We still watch over a large amount of what's ingested. Need to deal with it and don't want to. Ignore it some more. My mind is thinking, "What else are they watching?? What else don't I know?"
Finally I can't stand it. I wouldn't be me if I didn't check and follow through. Stinks to be the mom sometimes. I look it up. Confirm online that it's same premise as The Bachelor. Couples take turns doing fun stuff during day followed by evenings of drinking, drama, hot tubs and snuggling in bed with guy of choice, followed by switching partners to do the same the next day.
Back to the room. Stick my head in door, girls look up, pause laptop, and knew what I was going to say before it came out of my mouth. They were quick to tell me "We're just watching one episode! There's a girl in it who isn't playing by the rules! She's actually showing some morals!" I still don't know if that part was true or not- but they knew that would get my interest.
I go into "You can't just watch anything you want without asking, if it's something you have a feeling I wouldn't like" mantra. While I'm saying it with my mouth, inside my head I'm thinking, "Am I too hard, am I too much, is it really a big deal, is the younger one old enough to decide on her own....followed by thoughts of no, this is a rotten role model of a show and I don't want it in my house infesting my kids' minds with false notions of life, but I'm just so tired of having to deal with endless things like this that I can't keep up with." Wondering if I'm even right. Frustrated with having conversations that cause more frustration between us. Don't know how to talk about it without us all being frustrated.
They groan, close the laptop and I leave, tired of the job of being a mom.
It's one of those days I just can't take the pressure. I go in my room to do laundry and make the bed and cry as I'm doing it. It was the straw that broke my back. How silly. What a small straw. It's a dumb show!! But on top of whatever else was going on that week, I couldn't handle it. I'd love to leave values aside sometimes and just keep peace. But I don't really want that either. What I really want is just for parenting to be easy.
Oh, and this happened the week I launched this blog for the first time. So I'm crying, making my bed and thinking "I can't do this blog. Forget it. I don't even know what the H-E- double hockey sticks I'm doing half the time." Then in walks one daughter to find me crying over Love in the Wild. A funny moment. We're both kinda laughing over it, but I'm still at the end of my life purpose. It's all over. I don't want to try and help or support anyone in parenting, cuz I don't even want to be a parent right now either. Let's just let whatever happens happen, and see how it all turns out. I'm tired of being a mom.
Well, the only reason I'm here online is because daughter talked me into following through. She proceeded to tell me with a chuckle that the show is no big deal, and that I've done such a good job in making sure they know and understand how to view things, and they know it's not a good way to find a guy, and no one is auditioning for it (ha). That they are so solid in what they believe that watching this one show is not going to change them. True or not, I let it go. And why are you crying she asked? When I said "Because I don't want to do this silly blog I said I was gonna do cuz I don't know what the heck I'm doing either", she told me all the reasons I should do it.
So if you've enjoyed anything about this blog, thank my daughter. I decided to drop the issue of the show and leave it be. It's not an ongoing problem. Not a big deal. Go to sleep and start over the next day again. Restart!!
Looking back at that day, it's so funny to me what little it can take to push us over the edge sometimes! We chuckled through the event, and I am laughing about it now. My point in sharing this is not about the show, not about the right or wrong choices, but about how exhausting it can be to be a parent. That we're all in the same boat. We all have those moments, we work through them and move on! It can all be laughable in hindsight! So, for those who are worried about me, I'm okay. Just being real, sharing one of those moments that I'm sure we all have. Life goes on!
I know the endless issues of today's world, all the messages that come at them...so many things to monitor, deciding which to confront and which to let go. I live it too. And not perfectly at all. I know the frustrations and insecurities of not always knowing what to deal with and how to deal with it.
But here we are, mainly I suppose because I "get" the need for support and answers and knowledge of community- other moms living the same thing. Having always been one to go find the answer when I need it, I just want to share those findings with you.
Lots of books have been read, stories from many moms heard, I've watched the culture change over the years and have sought out ways to practically avoid potential pitfalls.
We all have different "triggers" too. I'm sure some of you don't care about The Bachelor or Love in the Wild. (actually small cares in light of everything). Maybe something bugs you that doesn't bother me. What's important is that you're sticking by what you believe in and want to get across to your kids.
My own soapbox is really thinking through media choices. One show might not be a big deal, but if you look at the culture overall, all of those shows together is creating an atmosphere that is showing our teens a way of life that is separate from any of the values I'm trying to teach. Media is slowly dumbing us down as a society. What we take in habitually affects the way we think, whether we believe it or not. Otherwise, why would advertisers spend boo coo bucks constantly showing us things to buy?
With that said, and while we're still following that mantra in our house, I try to live with understanding and balance and trust. Seeing the big picture. Laughing at myself. Trying to figure out what to stick with firmly.
And sometimes letting things go.
What silly unexplainable break down moment have you had??!