They were eager to answer and gladly shared some insights. What I find so fascinating is that of all the guys I asked, no one knew who else was asked or what anyone else answered (or even asked) yet the observations are all strikingly similar! Different schools, areas and ages, yet much the same.
Last day (for now) of actual quotes come from a freshman guy and a junior in high school.
1.when Girls talk bad about other Girls.
2. When girls honestly think that they look better with make up on.
3. When girls talk about their bodies.
4. When girls act like they are better than other guys or girls.
5. When girls don't appreciate who they are, or look down on themselves and try to get a guys sympathy for them.
1. Act dumb to be cool with boys and to get attention from boys. (He and a buddy were just talking about this…and how it’s a huge turn off. “Being smart does not intimidate us”, he says. “Don’t be afraid to be smart…we like it.”)
2. Fishing for a compliment because of insecurity. A girl saying “I’m not beautiful” just so the boys feel they have to tell the girl she is.
3. Girls that flirt with every guy, regardless.
4. Turning on their friends…best friends today and not friends next week. Being nice to a girl’s face, then talking bad behind her back. Throwing another girl “under the bus” to advance themselves in popularity.
5. Drama. Overinflating problems and making things out to be worse than they are.
He said these next 2 bug him, but he doesn’t think they’ll ever change so he deals.
1. Being emotional/moody.
2. Talking about feelings all the time.
(His mom and I chuckled over this one. Get used to it hahahahhaha!)
He also says the girl he is dating doesn’t do the top list of 5…and that’s why he likes being with her.
Our big bonus this week is from a young guy who heard this conversation and wanted to throw his two cents in! His answer? "They’re kind of jerks to us! Well, most of them are."
So why did we ask this question? Girls have so many voices coming at them with how they are supposed "to be", tv shows, media, magazines, movies, etc. There are hopefully a few other voices telling them the truth- that what is portrayed in our culture is not necessarily the best way for girls to actually be!
And interestingly enough, how girls are portrayed and therefore feel pressured to become, is not even what guys find attractive in real life. And it's sure good to hear that! Girls need to know this.
Having had no idea what these guys would say when asked this question, I'm so happy to hear that guys care about how girls act, they don't have to see lots of makeup and skimpy clothes to be interested and that they like smart girls, contrary to popular belief....among many other noteworthy observations.
I'm struggling with the girls "fishing for compliments" line a couple of guys said. Uncomfortable with the idea that perhaps it's not uncommon for girls to do this. It's a little embarrassing girls because the boys know what you're doing and are uncomfortable with it. It puts them in an awkward position of either leaving you hanging in insecurity, or giving a forced compliment (whether they mean it or not). Is that the desired goal? Surely not.
I'm also pondering a teenage girls observation this week- she thinks girls her age are more concerned about what other girls think about their appearance than what boys think.
That's a loaded thought. What do you all think?