When Love Blinds- Pt. 4
We've been concentrating on "red flags" (or warning signs) women missed while dating men they eventually married. Several women share their story anonymously, in hopes of saving girls and women from similar fates.
This is one subject that applies to all ages! You may have adult women who need this as much as dating teens. Catch up here before moving on:
Today my friend shares her experience:
Red flags when dating...
Here are my rambling thoughts.....
In college when I was engaged to my now ex-husband, as a senior in college, I did have red flags.
I chose to ignore them, thinking I would never have a chance to get married after college if I didn't marry then. I think a lot of girls think this. I have heard many express this fear, worried that if they don't get engaged during college, they may never find a good husband. Knowing what I know now, I would have waited.
Just because you may not marry before you are out of college does not mean God won’t place that right man in your path later! Don’t get ahead of God.
1. How deep is his spiritual commitment? If the wind blows hard....and storms rage....does he stay strong? He didn’t. I saw inconsistencies that brought me concern. I thought it would get better after being married. It only got worse.
If it’s not right before you get married, it will only get worse after. You can’t fix someone by marrying them. Or visa versa.
2. If they compromise on morals or values, or you are not in agreement in this area....red flag. Example: Your views on drinking, sex before marriage, where to go to church, or how to raise your children. I saw him compromise in a lot of these things. We disagreed on drinking, (I didn’t want drinking....he did). Eventually this led to him partying and getting in with the wrong crowd in medical school.
When he was living well, he was great, but when he loosened morals, it got scary....RED FLAG!
My second and current husband always said to me when we were dating, that we needed to go through each season together. Literally and figuratively.
We needed at least a year with each other to see the real person! How do you respond when you are sick, on your period, going through a trial, when you are faced with difficulties.....seasons reveal this about the person you will marry. If there are any to be seen, red flags will be revealed in time!
3. I will get honest here. My ex husband was gorgeous. He was a cheerleader. Mr. Popularity. All the girls wanted him.....and he chose me. I was like YES!
I saw many areas that he compromised in yet I had the cutest guy on campus asking me to marry him.
I was in a fog....thinking all the compromising would stop after we got married. I can tell you this....it only took me a week into the marriage to see I had made a big mistake.
With my current husband I knew that I knew that I knew. There were no red flags.
I saw consistency in every season with my now husband. I saw him keeping the promise that he would only touch my heart before we were married. And he kept that promise. It gives time to see how they will hold out to remaining pure. Will they push the limits, can you trust them? Seasons reveal red flags.
The only concern I had with my current husband was my fear of his perfectionism, which we talked about extensively. I knew if he didn’t change at all...I would be ok. It wasn’t a make it or break it deal. But I say with a chuckle....I think I brought him to the dark side. Dogs sleep with us, laundry is thrown onto shelves (not ironed and folded perfectly) Our carpets are dirty from 3 dogs. His jeans are not dry cleaned and starched to stand in the corner alone.......and he is a-ok with it. We met in the middle.
4. My biggest regret was letting my low self esteem make the decisions for me, and not God. Love who YOU are! Love who you are and don’t settle for less. Don’t be afraid to admit you are seeing red flags. It will save you from the big mistake! God will guide you every step of the way!
And it's the truth....I really thought if I didn't get married while in college....I wouldn't be able to find a Christian guy out there. Sad isn't it? My self esteem was in the pooper then. Boy I struggled in that area. Not loving myself enough to trust God with the desires of my heart.
College kids I've talked to today seem to feel the same way....I have had many long conversations with gals who are really down on themselves....and compromise as a result. Makes me sad. It will affect the rest of their lives. I love these girls so much.
Don’t deny red flags! Don’t want the relationship so badly that the thought of being in love clouds your perspective of warnings!
Don’t compromise! Stay true to your convictions and your walk with the Lord. Seek Him daily about His choice for you. And don’t be afraid to hear that maybe the guy you are with may not be the one God has for you.
Don’t lie to yourself! That’s a biggie and easy to do when feelings of love are clouding things.
Posted by Holly Tumpkin at 11:54 AM
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LOVE to hear from readers! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.