Why She Prayed Each Day To Be Lighter

Dark skinned beauty is less represented in our culture than it should be, that's a given. Have you read or watched this amazing speech that left Oprah and Chaka Khan (among others) speechless?

Best Supporting Actress Academy Award winner Lupita Nyong’o, of 12 Years a Slave, felt so underrepresented by the entertainment industry as a young girl of Kenyan descent growing up in Mexico City, that she prayed she “would wake up lighter skinned”. She would check each morning to see if God answered her prayers.

He didn't, at least not in the way she originally wanted. Watch this moving speech.

I think she is proof that beauty comes in all shades.

Thank goodness for role models like her.

Too Much for Mom?

Let's get controversial- I have some friends and girls I respect that I know will disagree with me, and let me say I'm not into bashing PEOPLE, and I've sung along to Beyonce before, but I AM into being discerning of intake.

I'm sharing this blog from The Matt Walsh Blog today, as food for thought. So take a moment and read America- You're Too Smart To Listen To Beyonce before continuing.

I share this because of the point he's making- about being careful of the input we are listening to and putting into our spirits. If you read the lyrics and subject matter of the songs referred to, I agree- which is why some music, tv shows and movies I won't listen to or watch...for me, it's really because I respect my mind and spirit too much to let things that I feel are going to not feed my spirit in a positive way or will "kill brain cells" (my words).

Obviously Beyonce is an amazing performer, but I'm saying if we want to be discerning about input that affects our insides, as much as people are into being discerning about food that's put inside of us that affect our bodies, this is something to think about at least.

Can I listen to things that are opposite of what I believe in and teach?

As someone asked me "What do you think is going to happen if you do listen to it?" Nothing dramatic in small doses maybe, but if that becomes the normal intake, do we believe that what goes in doesn't affect our thoughts at all? Or affect our culture at all? It's at least something to think about.

It's interesting that Beyonce said in an interview she's too embarrassed to play these songs in front of her mom. 

As my husband has told our kids, which is a pretty balanced perspective, once in a while we can have junk food, but we have to be careful what it is and how much we have, or it affects our health. We need to watch our "diet".

H also tells them if they find themselves in bad moods, sad or having attitudes, they should stop and take a look at their music and media intake. It affects us.

I would love if Beyonce used her amazing talent for a better message. She's such an influencer of young people, both girls and guys alike.

Please feel totally free to share your thoughts, whether you agree or not. I'm interested to hear. If you disagree, I'd love to hear the reasons why.

I am into making people think, so I'm open to people making ME think. :)

What do you think?

Twerking, Blurred Lines and Big Egos

Yes, Miley was outrageous at the VMA Awards.

Maybe it was so surprising to people because of her background as Hannah Montana. She came from somewhat of an innocent background but has grown into a completely different type of performer.

I'm not really surprised at all about a sketchy performance at an awards show, knowing what MTV is like, what awards shows are known for, and knowing that Miley took a turn away from wholesome tween entertainment a long time ago.

The only reason for this blog is the fact that so many were talking about the performance that I finally googled it to see what in the world happened.

Before any of this happened though, I'd already been bothered by Robin Thicke, and the popularity of his song "Blurred Lines", currently ranked number one on Billboard Charts. Yes it has a catchy sound, which I choose to ignore because I can't get past the fact that he calls girls b*tches, and I'd heard they dance around him naked throughout his video. Can't support music that objectifies women, which I know is a large chunk of popular music. I can't support it because it makes me ill how much it affects the mindsets of girls and guys both,  in our culture.

Plenty are speaking out against Miley. I want to shed some light on what Robin Thicke is putting out there. Now MTV can do what they want, Robin Thicke can do what he wants, the reason for this post is so that you can be fully informed, so that you and your teens, especially young teens, can make an informed decision on what to listen to. I wish things like this weren't mainstream, but they are, so we have to be active in knowing what's out there. When a song hits number one, it pretty much saturates society, so whether you choose to listen to it or not, it'll be heard anyway- at the mall, at the pool, in stores, as a friend listens to it. Pretty hard to escape popular music. At least know what it's about.

First of all, google the lyrics to Blurred Lines. I'll just put a portion here (explicit warning):

One thing I ask of you
Let me be the one you back that ass to
Go, from Malibu, to Paris, boo
Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain't bad as you
So hit me up when you passing through
I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two
Swag on, even when you dress casual
I mean it's almost unbearable
In a hundred years not dare, would I
Pull a Pharside let you pass me by
Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you
He don't smack that ass and pull your hair like that
So I just watch and wait for you to salute
But you didn't pick
Not many women can refuse this pimpin'
I'm a nice guy, but don't get it if you get with me

Besides the fact what does half of that even mean, there are plenty of surrounding lyrics like "Let's get nasty" to put it all in context.

Worse yet, the original video for this song, released this summer, was banned from YouTube for nudity, even raunchier than the actual lyrics. However, a quick google of Blurred Lines pulls up other video sources besides YouTube where anyone can still see the banned explicit version with one click.  (The video was redone for YouTube with the girls wearing a little bit of clothing.) Not checking out music videos often because they make me ill, I could hardly believe that this is really true. So I checked. I saw enough to confirm that yes, several naked women dance around him, while some are holding animals which confused me, and at one point in the video the words "Robin Thicke has a big d*ck" covers the screen. Obviously, he loves himself. This apparently is his shining accomplishment.

I came across an interview with Robin Thicke on Access Hollywood.  Here's the scoop. Here is the video where he is being interviewed about the Blurred Lines video being banned. (click on that word "interviewed" and it'll take you there so you can watch). He jokes about it, saying they deliberately pushed the bar, laughed about all the 13-14 year old boys probably watching it as fast as they could before it was banned (over a million hits immediately), and most disgustingly, joked about beastiality and the animals the girls were holding. YUCK. He's quite happy with the whole thing. And he followed it up with a pitch for his new project.

Miley may have been twerking and grinding with a man twice her age on stage, but let's not forget his part. The banned video and that interview give us a good idea where his music is headed, so you can make an informed decision of what you want to listen to and what you want your kids to listen to. I just want moms to know what's out there that their kids can click on easily and watch, without you ever knowing. It's an easy place for a young guy to watch naked women undetected.

Sidenote- what's interesting is that Justin Timberlake has a very similar video that YouTube banned, then decided not to ban, apparently because the nudity in Tunnel Vision is deemed "artistic". The videos are oddly familiar, both men are fully dressed while naked women dance around. (Why are the men always dressed and women always naked?)  When YouTube decided to keep the JT video online, they made a caveat to make it "safe"-there is now an explicit warning, and you have to push a button that says you're 18. That'll fix it. (heavy sarcasm).

I'm tired of music that objectifies women, because our girls and guys are starting to believe the message. This has become in many ways the level of expectation- in guys treatment of women, and how women should expect to be treated by men. I'm tired of men getting rich on being nasty, disrespectful and violent toward women, tired of the women who help perpetuate the problem by performing with the men, and tired of us making them famous by listening.


The lines are definitely blurred.

The Blue Ivy Effect

Wow, this baby's got some power.

To change the heart of Jay-Z, a rapper whose lyrics have helped build a culture of disrespect toward women, into a feeling, contemplative father.

My husband just forwarded me an article. Jay-Z has decided to ban the B**** word from all future songs, within a week of having his own baby girl, Blue Ivy (mom/wife is Beyonce).

I applaud him and believe everyone deserves grace. I hope it a real change and that his love for this baby will cause him to contemplate banning other things as well. But this article by an African American, Dr. Boyce Watkins, has an interesting perspective of  "too little too late."

A quote by Dr. Watkins:

"You can’t spend two decades referring to other men’s daughters as b*tches and hoes, and then somehow decide that your own daughter is going to be exempt from the game." "Perhaps Jay-Z will now learn the frustrations of millions of other fathers who’ve been long hurt that so many hip-hop artists have trained black men to show the utmost disrespect for their little girls."

Rap music has affected every race.  Ask any teen. He is one of the most successful rappers. Millions of our youth are listening to his damaging lyrics.

Jay-Z has now seen his own innocent little baby girl.  He has now felt the heart of a father. It must have surprised him.  And touched him.  He probably doesn't want anything negative to ever touch her.

This is just a picture, just an inkling of how our Creator Father feels toward each of us.

Being a parent is a picture of the love He feels for us. This parent love is why we fight for what's good for our kids. He fights for our good as well. But just like we can't force our kids to choose, He won't force us either.

But He gives us little pictures, hoping to get our attention. I think Jay-Z just had one of those picture moments. He sees his baby girl and said I won't use the B word anymore in lyrics. Having seen her, he doesn't ever want her referred to that way, rightly so.

If only Jay-Z could see that His own Creator looks at him the same way. Can you imagine with me?

"You're too valuable for all that. I have a better way for you than all the negative messages and names the world will call you. I want to keep you from all of that dirtiness, because you're mine. You're different than that. I want you to listen to the love I have for you, and not the messages you could grow up hearing. I don't want people to pull you away from me, I want to protect you. Let's have a better life than that, together."

I don't like his music. But he's still a human in need of grace, like all of us.

Now just like Jay-Z and every other human alive, Blue Ivy will get to choose whether to listen to cultural messages that her father helped create, or to choose the hopefully new message of her father. And whether to choose the message of her Creator Father.

Hopefully she'll never hear the lyrics of "Ain't No N****" or "Money, Cash and Hoes" or "99 Problems", that totally and completely disrespect women. (What is Beyonce thinking? How does that work?)

Now maybe he can understand why many of us don't support his type of music.  Because we don't believe our daughters are b*tches or hoes and don't want anyone telling them they are.  Instead we believe they can find people of character who will respect and value them. We pray to God that they will not receive the demeaning message that has been his for the past 20 years.

I hope this change is real. Truly.  Maybe Blue Ivy will continue to have a cleansing effect on her father.

But for now, his banning of the b*tch word is an interesting cause for thought though, isn't it?

What do you think, good for him, or too little too late?

Access Hollywood- A Good Example

If you've followed the last few blogs, you know we are highlighting positive examples in our culture, after looking at the problem of girls pushing for perfectionism and growing up too fast. If you missed any, check out October posts!

Shaun Robinson is a bright light in the midst of Hollywood. In a city that seems to be so filled with "image", Shaun has seen through the smoke and mirrors and heard the needs of girls. Plus she is fighting to make a difference.

Some might say that the Hollywood culture, always vying for fame and beauty, is what is wrong with our society. It is the very source of false hopes our girls cling to. Therefore they may not want to support someone in the midst of the culture. I disagree. People of standards need to be in all parts of society, bringing their difference, message and hope to every corner of the world.

I heard about Shaun, not through her weekend co-anchor position at Access Hollywood, but through the book she wrote called Exactly As I Am. Her job as an entertainment reporter allows her to meet the most famous celebrities of our day. Over the years, she has received countless letters and emails from girls around the country. She has recognized the danger of girls equating their own self worth with the perceived perfection of the celebrities they follow.

"Of course, the cultural obsession with celebrity is not new, but how it is impacting the way girls and women feel about themselves has become a passionate concern of mine- so much so that over the past few years I began organizing informal task-force groups of girls and young women from around the country to talk directly about their issues of self esteem." (excerpt from Exactly As I Am)

Her book is a compilation of stories from famous women of all types of accomplishments, from actresses to athletes to governors and scientists. Their stories center around their advice to young women about gaining confidence in their "tangible skills", instead of just looks. I encourage you to pick up a copy and read about the struggles that even celebrities go through with their self image. No one is immune from self doubt. It is nice to hear from women who have accomplished great things in their careers, even through adversity.

She is also on the Board of Directors of Girls, Inc., a national nonprofit youth organization dedicated to inspiring all girls to be strong, smart, and bold. Shout out to Shaun!

Celebrating Good Examples

Another voice that has stood out from the crowd is from actress Emma Watson of the Harry Potter series. In 2009 she spoke out on modesty:


"I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder. - Emma Watson


That is a breath of fresh air coming from a teen living among fame and Hollywood culture! So many other young famous teen girls have spiraled downwards in that environment, leaving girls around the country disappointed. It's nice to see an actress take a stand for something different than the norm.


Now that she's a little older, we'll see what happens, but I hope she continues to be a good example. Girls need good role models to look up to!


Do you know other good examples in our culture that stand out from among the rest?