Halloween- A Reason to Take Your Clothes Off?

Wow. Hilar conversation with my youngest just now. I wanted to show her a video on YouTube that Jefferson Bethke was asked to make addressing how girls dress on Halloween (or don't dress, that is). I'd thought about writing a blog and including the video in it.

I was telling her how he got bashed in the Facebook comments by so many Christians who don't believe in celebrating Halloween. I mean bashed. Bashed for even associating himself with the holiday. Though we don't celebrate it either, it made me a little scared to blog on the subject at all!

I asked her if she remembered why we've not celebrated Halloween, all the spooky stuff and trick or treating. (It's been a looong time since I think we've even talked about it...I've learned to never assume).

So we talked about it again, highlighting a few reasons.

Mainly because it seems everything about it celebrates fear and death-like things. I can't seem to find a redeeming factor in it. I know that most don't agree with us on this. I'm okay with that.

In the midst of writing this, I had to go to Walgreens and buy notecards for homework purposes. So I made it into a little field trip! I went down the Halloween aisle to see what I could see. Once I pushed back the 30 foot inflatable cat, I squeezed down the aisle to find this.

creeeeepy

Now when my girls were little, we did dress them up sometimes and take them to an alternative "Harvest" party at church for fun, games and candy. In the back of my mind I still always wondered why we even had to have an alternative if it's a holiday I don't care for. Nevertheless, as a lover of fall and all things autumn, we still did it, and have lots of cute pics to this day.

(However, today my daughter acted surprised at this knowledge, like she didn't remember the church dress up events. I'm looking at her like she's absolutely crazy and she says, "Mom! I was in a costume every day of my life! I'm not sure I knew the difference!" True.)

We didn't buy them costumes. Instead, they had to use their imagination and come up with their own, using what we already owned. Only one time do I remember buying a swath of orange fabric so my oldest could be a gypsy.

gypsy

Memories are becoming foggy, but one year my middle was either a "Lost Bride" or a "Runaway Bride" because the only play wedding veil we had was torn. We do remember that in character, she had been lost, running through the woods and tore her veil on a tree. Now that's awesome use of ready made materials.

runaway bride

Today my daughter stated, "My friends all seems to think my life was empty without Halloween and Santa Claus, but really I'm quite content". (Her verbage is my daily delight). BTW, the no Santa Claus thing- we are not anti Santa Claus by any means, we just never acted like Santa was real. We sat on his lap, had his pictures on wrapping paper, but didn't act like he was real. There was no huge philosophy behind it. I guess we just didn't want to lie. (No one appears scarred.)

Another reason it's not been a big deal to not celebrate Halloween... it's my birthday! Therefore we've always called it Hollyween at our house and celebrated my birthday instead.

Back to why I started this post, I wanted to post this video by Jefferson Bethke, but I didn't want to get bashed like he did. When I said that out loud to my daughter today, she said that my job as a blogger is to stir things up (said in some better wording I've forgotten).

I said "I don't want to get bashed on my birthday!" She looked at me with that challenging look in her eye, almost implying my wimpiness, sooooo.....in honor of her, I am posting this. In honor of me and my birthday, will you please not bash me? I never mind if you share differing opinions, as long as it's done respectfully. Thanks. Totes appreciate it. Not that any of you would.

Actually I'm SO grateful I've never been bashed with mean comments on this blog, EVER, so thank you that I've never had to deal with that. I read other blogs where people take a stand or just simply say their opinion, and the comments that shoot back make me want to shut down my entire internet!! Whew.

So let's just say, whether you celebrate Halloween or not is not the issue. I said that I don't, just because I have a blog and am writing about this, but I'm not trying to coerce you into my view.

My only point, that it's taken THIS LONG to get to, LOL, is this: Moms of girls AND boys, are you aware of how some girls dress at Halloween parties these days???

I've seen many pictures on Facebook of girls literally in lingerie, walking around a party like it was nothing. I've heard moms arguing with daughters over "you are NOT wearing that out of this house".

It's become so common that girls use Halloween as an excuse to not wear much. And it's also sad to me how many costumes are sexualized, and for very young girls. Sad face.

When I saw Jefferson's video, he addresses this topic. It was interesting to hear from a guy's perspective.

He talks of before he was a Christian and how he looked forward to Halloween because he knew the girls would be dressed in next to nothing...so he saw it as a huge opportunity for him to basically freely lust after girls. (He now feels completely different and calls that attitude he had "wicked"). He talks to girls about dressing to please the Lord and not man.

I haven't been able to appropriately ponder all that he says in this video yet, but it has some good thoughts. Just wanted you to be able to see it too. Click on the link below to watch it.

How to Address Modesty on Halloween

Feel free to share differing opinions and thoughts as usual, just please in a respectful way.
...and Happy Hollyween!!

Awkward Talk #3 - Living in a P o r n Culture

oh boy. where to start. this is a biggie.
this post will barely hit the tip of the iceburg, but it's a start.

This summer we are sharing 5 Awkward Talks to have with your children...talks that may not come up naturally in conversation...talks that one of you may be uncomfortable with. The first had to do with creepers and pedophiles. The second with helping your child know when it's important to share certain information with you.

Today is the big awkward topic of p o r n. It's so pervasive in our culture. Advertising, and even our entertainment are heavily influenced by p o r n.  In fact, we may even need to define p o r n to our kids. Drastic changes have happened so fast in the last 10 years, with access to technology, that what  used to be considered soft porn "back in the day"  may be "normal" to our kids now.  Do they even consider it p o r n? This doubt was confirmed as I asked teens...is it naked people? Almost naked people? What is it exactly? We need to define p o r n as we're talking to our kids, so let's go to www.dictionary.com.

P o r n is defined as "writings, photographs, etc., intended to cause sexual excitement". Wow. Interesting. That's broad.

Some might think, "Now where would my child actually see p o r n o g r a p h y?" Anywhere. Anytime. In your house. On their phone. On that laptop. On their friend's phone. On a tv show.

Now with internet, phone apps, You Tube, TV, movies etc, there's no sneaking needed. It used to be harder to access- you had to go to a store, buy a magazine and hide it. Apparently, (so I've heard), for quick thrills guys would sneak peeks at the underwear section of the Penney's catalog. Wouldn't we love to have those days back??

Now anyone in the house can easily access porn if they want, unless due diligence is paid by us parents. Even then, odds are it will happen. Heck, now you can even see soft p o r n if you read some news websites (which is why I wonder if some even realize that's the p o r n of yesterday). It's so normal now. Our younger kids have never been in anything BUT an oversexualized society, so they don't know any differently.

In the last few years our media culture has plummeted at an amazing rate and we are sliding fast and furious into an oversexualized p o r n i f i e d culture, where almost everything is sexualized. This is a dangerous breeding ground for all things toxic, with long term affects on us as people.  If we want to save our kids from addictive habits that can destroy themselves, their relationships and future families, we need to have this conversation. More than once.

Vicki Courtney, an author on raising teens, says in her blog in May 2012,

"A couple of weeks ago, I saw several articles in the news reporting the results of a parliamentary study in the UK that should serve as a wake-up call to parents in the U.S. When it comes to the number of children and teens viewing pornography, we’re not far behind our friends in the UK, so we’d be wise to consider their findings. Consider the following statistics:

• Four out of five 16-year-old boys and girls regularly access porn online.
• One in three ten-year-olds have seen explicit material.
• More than a quarter of young patients being treated at a leading private clinic are receiving help for a porn addiction.

Vicki quoted Dr. Mary Anne Layden, the co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of Pennsylvania’s Center for Cognitive Therapy testified to the Senate in 2004 and called p o r n, the “most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today.” She states, “The internet is a perfect drug delivery system because you are anonymous, aroused and have role models for these behaviors,” Layden said. “To have drug pumped into your house 24/7, free, and children know how to use it better than grown-ups know how to use it — it’s a perfect delivery system if we want to have a whole generation of young addicts who will never have the drug out of their mind.”

From the UK article that Vicky referred to, Why are we surprised kids are addicted to porn? That's the world they know, here is a quote from Sonia Poulton:


"Pornography is exactly what it says on the tin. It is not about loving relationships that are built on a foundation of respect and commitment but about a ‘wham bam, thank you mam’ approach to sexual gratification. To imagine it is anything more or less is delusional.

I am not an anti-porn campaigner. I don’t object to consenting adults viewing it - that’s their prerogative. Equally, it is not for me to tell people whether they should appear in porn films. I work on the basis that so long as they are willing participants - as opposed to abused and bullied into the roles - then it’s their human right to do what they wish with their bodies.

But that's where I draw the line. Making porn public - as society has - is not the same because people lose the right to choose whether they want to see it or not. It has been beamed at our children, from TV's and billboards, without their say so. They are now conditioned to see public sex and sexuality as a given.

So it is that we are now reaping the results of permitting sex to be all-pervasive and all-consuming. Porn is part of everyday lives, rather than something adults do in the privacy of their own homes, and our children are fighting a tide that tells them something is wrong with them unless they too also indulge."

(I may not be with her 100% on all of that, but I do agree with her overall premise- society is wrong to make it not a choice, especially for our kids). Some adults are going to choose to engage in it regardless, but should it be forced upon everyone, especially children?)

Countless images surround all of us in daily life. We can hardly avoid it, but instead we are forced to figure out how to deal with it. This article from http://www.tweenparent.com/ describes things so well, I encourage you to check it out. "Bringing Up Kids in a Porn Culture".  A quote from this article:

"People not immersed in pop culture tend to assume that what we see today is just more of the same stuff that previous generations grew up on. But what is different today is not only the hypersexualization of the image, but also the degree to which such images have overwhelmed and crowded out any alternative image of being female. Today's tidal wave of soft-core porn has normalized the porn-star look in everyday culture to such a degree that anything less looks dowdy, prim, and downright boring. Today a girl or young woman looking for an alternative to the hypersexualized look will quickly come to the grim realization that the only alternative to looking hot is to be invisible. And what girl wants to be invisible? Adolescence is about being noticed and the desire for visibility among one's peer group too often means conforming to the plasticized, formulaic and generic images that bombard us daily. We should see the porn culture as a bully that manipulates, coerces, and grooms girls into conformity by providing them with limited choices. This culture is slowly chipping away at girls' self esteem, stripping them of a sense of themselves as whole human beings, and providing them with an identity that glorifies sex and trivilizes every other human attribute."
Girls are affected by this porn culture by, without realizing it, by being sucked into slowly looking more and more like the sexualized "role models" and/or acting like them. Grade schoolers are concerned already about being "hot" and "sexy". Shoes and clothing keep looking more and more like stripper attire.
And who knew that prom party buses had stripper poles in them? That was a question I never knew to ask until it was too late. "Who will be there? Will there be alcohol? Will there be a stripper pole?" These are the things that I'm talking about that have suddenly become mainstream. Stripper poles used to be hidden- part of an adult world that was not considered as accepted or mainstream. Only certain types of people were there. Now thanks to many factors, almost every nice kid knows what a stripper pole is. And some dance on them now.

But I also  know plenty of girls who are relatively happy with their looks and how they fit in, without giving into the over sexualized look, so it is possible to live differently. I don't believe all girls feel dowdy if they don't look oversexualized. Some see it as refreshing to have a nice wholesome natural look. However, I don't know if any girls escape the effect completely. The obsession with looks, bodies, pressures to be "available" to guys, and to be hot and sexy permeates just about everyone, even if it's to a small degree.

Boys are affected even more by this problem, being the ones who view porn the most (though it is not just a boy problem. More and more popular entertainment is really just p o r n for women, in various forms.) Again from the TweenParent article:
"I regularly lecture to parents groups and they are appalled by the images that any 11 year old can feely access by typing Porn into Google. What often shocks them is the sheer level of brutality where sex is used to make hate, not love, to a woman's body. The feelings and emotions we normally associate with love...are missing, and in their place are those we normally associate with hate. It's images like these that are now commonplace all over the Internet and are shaping the way boys and men think about sex, relationships, and intimacy."

This is not the attitude we want our boys to have toward women, is it? I don't think any of us would want that, for girls OR boys. But it could be happening right under your nose. Is it?
It's important to ask. Ask direct questions. Point blank honest questions. Give your kids a chance to be honest without getting in trouble, just for the sake of getting to truth. If you discover p o r n has been an issue, talk about boundaries and consequences for future. If they are unmarred by p o r n so far, be thankful. Have a detailed conversation about why it isn't healthy for them, how to avoid it and what to do if/when p o r n comes up among friends. What is the escape route?

Vicki Courtney's suggestions are:

1. Put safety filters on your home computers and deactivate the web browser on your children’s handheld devices.
2. Help your children come up with an escape plan. (click on her link for details)
3. Educate your children about the long-term effects of viewing pornography.
4. Put it on your calendar to talk about this topic at least once every two months.
5. If you have a son, I highly recommend parents read the book, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain by William Struthers.
PLEASE HAVE A FILTERING SYSTEM ON YOUR COMPUTER AT HOME! If you don't know how to add one, it is worth every penny it would cost to get someone in your house to do it for you. Even then, talk to them about all the other places they might see p o r n. Friends houses may not have filters on computers. Don't google just anything, it can be dangerous. Friends iphones have apps and internet availability even if your kid's phone doesn't.

LESSON LEARNED- (It is sketchy to even blog about this.) As I researched for this blog, I googled one word- a should be innocent word- and immediately saw more disgusting pictures than I ever have seen. In one second. And my computers are loaded with filtering systems for this reason. Please know that if I, an informed, careful, filtered, educated adult did this (while blogging about it), than your kids need to definitely be very careful what they google. Have a talk just about that if nothing else! As much as we love Google, it's not always our friend.

Now that my kids have confessed to me (just today) what they actually googled years ago after I had a sex talk with them, I especially caution you in this regard! They googled questions that needed clarification in their minds that they didn't want to ask me, though they knew they could have. Good heavens, that is not the way we want information clarified. lol! yikes! Thank goodness the internet was new enough back then maybe it wasn't as awful as now. Google stuff now and you may be in for a surprise. Currently, stats say that 12-25% of what is on the internet is p o r n.

I had this Awkward Talk with my own girls today. I asked each of them how much p o r n affected their circle of friends and acquaintances. Interestingly, it was all different. Some ran into the subject alot and some rarely. Some felt like most, if not all guys, are into it because of how they talk, jokes they make and references they use. Some knew of female use of p o r n. Some didn't know anyone affected by p o r n.  Some knew of a few girls and guys in their circle of friends sending and receiving naked text pictures. Some knew of guys looking at p o r n on phones in middle school years. We also got into the discussion of many teen girls reading 50 Shades of Grey. In regard to the circle of friends where it never comes up, we wondered is that because they really aren't into it (yay!), or are people into it but never admit or talk about it? (yikes).

We want to know which it is. What do you think?

I  recommend to parents to have random phone checks with your kids' phones. At random times,  take their phone, check it, look at pictures, apps, etc. Know their passwords. DO NOT assume your kid would "never do that". Check anyway. Sexting is becoming very common.
I came across this great quote of Danny Silk's of http://www.moralrevolution.com./ "Intimacy's counterfeit is addiction...it comes in the form of many things (alcohol, carbohydrates, porn, cigarettes, sugar, shopping, etc). It's an attempt to create intimacy through a relationship with an object. Addiction is welcome to people who can not get away from their pain, so they self medicate."
I had to explain to my girls that p o r n is addictive. No one plans to get addicted. Good people are addicted. Marriages fall apart because of p o r n. They know I'm hard core about filtering media intake because of the oversexualization of everything. (Someone might have admitted tonight that they are finally grateful, though my oversight "has always been annoying." YES! Who cares if we are annoying? Buy me a tshirt - Annoying Mom. I'll wear it.)

Teens are good observers. They see what isn't right. I've been told by babysitting teens that many young kids (I mean young) have their own computers, laptops, etc. and have been known to innocently google certain things, or try to watch certain music videos. One kid, either 6 or 9 years old, can't remember which, said "I'm not allowed to go on You Tube, so I just pull it up on Bing".

The parent thinks they are protecting the kid from videos they shouldn't see by disallowing YouTube, and meanwhile have no idea that the 6 year old has outsmarted them in wit and in technology.

We work hard to keep things pure over here. And for years I've prayed for my husband, my girls and my girls' future husbands to be kept from all of this stuff. We need people who can still be intimate and connected to a person, not people who can only be intimate and connected with a picture or a video.

Pornography destroys people. And relationships. And marriages.


Our kids are worth protecting.

Get educated. Ask the hard questions. For your kids' sake!

Andy Grammer- Music that Respects Women

Last week's blog was a five part series on the problems of and solutions for the early sexualization of girls in our culture. (A bit of a downer to focus on, but completely necessary to understand if we are going to combat the messages!) I could go on and on and on about the poor messages. They are endless...

BUT what's exciting is when a ray of light shines out from among the others with a POSITIVE message! Especially a positive message in the MUSIC industry about women and how to treat them! There have been a few shining lights lately and I'm happy to highlight them this week.

Andy Grammer is a fabulous upcoming artist with music that we can be proud of, and a very fun happy style that is too rare and so refreshing.

Brighten your day by clicking on this link to catch his song with a great message called "LADIES".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rSNJrh_oUPY

Now that you love him, here is one more! And add him to your Ipod today.



Check out his performance of "The Pocket".

We love Andy Grammer!

Pt. 4 - Making a Difference!

After 3 days of the issues, today is the hope!

This 5 part series on the early sexualization of girls was kicked off with the recent Toddlers and Tiaras episodes that have made national news; then we moved on to how marketing ploys push girls to grow up too fast on purpose; day three was a 7 year old's disappointed observations about her favorite comic strip heroine, "re-done" into a new sexier character (who did more posing than adventurous feats).

Today I want to tell you about some great people that are working to change all of these things.

On a day to day basis, we don't really hear too much about girl issues or organizations committed to them. But thanks to internet and twitter, it's been a pleasant surprise to find out about efforts being made all over the country to combat these cultural issues.

So today I'd like to introduce you to my fabulous new finds. These are great people fighting to help girls grow up well in this culture. Please take a moment to check out their websites and see the great works they are doing!

BEAUTY REDEFINED- http://www.beautyredefined.net/

photo credit: www.beautyredefined.net

Among the many other great things they do, a billboard campaign has started in Utah where they are based. Check out their website or facebook page to see the other billboards too! Website fabulousness- revealing advertising photoshopping that leads to false "perfect beauty" ideals, combatting pornography becoming mainstream in media and advertising and how that negatively affects all of us, men and women alike.

7 WONDERLICIOUS - http://www.7wonderlicious.net/

Great website for moms of little girls. They speak to the issue of how our culture's early sexualization of girls affects girls at younger ages. YES, I have heard of girls as young as 5 being told they looked fat, and it is very commonplace now in grade school for girls to be weight conscious. CHECK OUT this website for info on helping your daughter deal with those struggles.

DOVE BEAUTY (yes, the soap company) - Click on the links below to watch videos Dove has made to promote real beauty, not the photoshopped kind. (I still believe in makeup FULLY lol). There are plenty more if you google or youtube (just be aware there are lots of "parodies" on youtube also. Make sure it's a real Dove video).

Some favorites are:

Beauty Pressure

Case Study: Dove Campaign For Real Beauty 'Amy' (you will sigh and aaaahhhhh)

Time-lapse beauty / Dove evolution commercial

MEG MEEKER, M.D. - http://www.megmeekermd.com/ "The Wisdom of a Pediatrician, the Heart of a Mother". I have used Meg Meeker's books to teach girls from. She has a great website full of parenting advice, videos with encouragement and advice, and great advice for older teens and college age girls.



TURN IT AROUND - Facebook Group (if you do a search for it, the group logo is a Cosmopolitan magazine with a red line through it).

This is a group my girls and I started a year and a half ago. After years of covering eye level magazines from my girls view at check out stands, wishing they wouldn't display magazines like that, but not having time or energy to take on the whole publishing business, we had a great idea. The Turn It Around Campaign. If you see a magazine that you find offensive for women, or that young kids don't need to see, just turn it around in the rack.

A facebook page was created, lots of fabulous people joined and we started getting messages of people turning magazines around! Men too! Facebook is in the process of archiving groups, but as far as I can tell you can still join it! It's time to revive those efforts !

Watch the video some local girls made of turning magazines around. (They were trying to get on the Tyra show!)

FINALLY, to be fair, this whole sexualization in media affects boys too. Below is another link to a Dove video that shows the photoshopping of male models. It's only fair to point out to girls that their "ideal guy" may not exist, just like his "ideal girl" may not exist, looks-wise. Starts out kind of slow, but by the end you'll get the point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_I17cK1ltY

There is much hope and goodness in our culture and that is the part we need to focus on. There are many young people, boys and girls alike, who are living apart from this "ideal" that media tries to create. It's possible to be different! Having a strong identity and teaching kids to think through what they see allows them to discern media messages for themselves. That is what we need to be able to do.

Pt. 2 - Early Sexualization of Girls

Tweens. We all know that word, right? How long has it been around? I remember life before the word existed. It wasn't too long ago.


According to Packaging Girlhood by Sharon Lamb, Ed. D. and Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed. D.:


"Tween- a combination of teen and between- is a marketing concept developed in the eighties to get kids, primarily girls, to continue buying toys. When the top age of toy users dropped from 12 to 8, toy stores started offering diva dolls, makeup, jewelry craft kits, and room decor to encourage girls to identify with issues and products older than they are. The common concern we hear from parents and school counselors- that girls are buying into a culture that has them growing up too fast- is the marketers dream come true; a crossover market! Marketing publications are filled with gleeful stories about the spending power of this age group; strategies for capturing the tween doll, shoe, music, accessory, and clothing market; how to get girls' attention in new and more spectacular ways; how to own them and channel their desires while not alienating the parents. We can see the results of all this effort in the ways products are marketed to preteens, ingenious strategies that combine innocence and edge....What's troubling about all of this is giving us all the false notion that the tween years...are something more than pure marketing. Juliet Schor, author of Born to Buy, interviewed top executives at companies that sell products to children, only to find them shrugging their shoulders and saying that although they know what they sell isn't good for kids, it's up to parents to say no. Plain and simple, marketers study children to understand what will grab their attention and make it difficult for parents to point their children in healthier directions...While products aimed at tween girls promise perfect faces and bodies, friends, and boyfriends, the marketers and manufacturers don't have to confront the negative impact on girls: the confusion about sexuality and romantic relationships, the anxiety about weight and appearance, the struggle with popularity and fitting in. No, they leave that to you."


(By the way, the ages marketed to has dropped to at least age 7). It starts here, just subtly:

In The Lolita Effect by M. Gigi Durham, Ph.D., she states:


"The media, which are driven by profit and ratings, aren't in the business of respecting or advocating for girls. As far as the media industries go, cultivating consumers as early as possible is a central goal. That's why we're seeing increasingly adult content being aimed at very young children; that's why the dolls sold to preschoolers look exactly like the half-dressed women in music videos and soft-core men's magazines, and why toddlers' fashions are almost indistinguishable from those of teenagers. Marketers call this "KGOY," or "Kids Getting Older Younger": that's where the developmental differences among children are blurred by the media through strategies geared toward creating consumer bases as early as possible".


Doesn't that just kind of make you mad like it does me? Companies want to make money off of my kid growing up too fast?


Now we'll switch to my own thoughts and I'm sure you'll be able to tell the shift of style (ha). (Already). We as parents have to be able to say no. We've raised 3 girls, well we're not done, but we've gotten through the hardest years in this regard.


We have survived without buying sassy t-shirts, clothes that promote bad attitudes, bikinis, thongs and push up bras, and underwear that say suggestive things. Ok, so we somehow had one pair years ago that slipped through when we shopped in a hurry and it's still a joke among our home. It is hard work to find a one piece swimsuit that is still doable or even a decent tankini. Thank goodness that trend is changing. It's REALLY hard work to find a bra for a young teen. Really, Abercrombie? Push ups that are marketed to ages 7-14? The smallest size would fit most 9 year olds.

Years ago at Kohls, a worker heard me say out loud that I would never buy any of these bras for a 12 year old, so she sent me over to the kids department. Over there I found a miniscule selection of pieces of cotton with straps on them, declaring the love of summer in bold colors. Were there no choices between play/trainer bras and Victoria's Secret style push up padded leopard print? (which I don't have a problem with unless they are for young girls).


In the clothing arena, our kids knew there were shops we just didn't go to, so don't even ask. It really wasn't an issue, no one whined over it because they knew we don't shop there. We are definitely a house full of girls into clothes and fashion so I'm not throwing out the whole industry by any means! And as conservative as I feel, I know there are circles where I seem to be the wild one, so I realize there is a wide spectrum of viewpoints on clothing. I guess I'm in the middle. I shop at most of the normal stores, but believe there's ways to be stylish without turning into an advertising billboard of things we don't believe in. There's a way to dress without falling for all of this early sexualization money making stuff.


Things have declined faster and younger just over the last few years. What really gets me now is the onesies for babies I see in stores. Ok, some are comical like "ipood. Download complete" (instead of ipad...computer terms...for those wondering).

But I have issue with all of the t-shirts sold that display sassy attitudes and sexual inuendo. Believe it or not, those are both available on baby onesies. I've seen them in the store. Such as a boy's onesie that says "Your crib or mine?" or "Mmmmm....boobies" or "Drink all night".

I know people aren't trying to create little partiers.

I guess some think it's funny and cute, like their kid is a funny little billboard for display. I look at those onesies and think if you start feeding that attitude toward life right now, what is the future? It's so subtle.

When you look at the big picture, in my opinion all of these things take away from, instead of developing, the little eternal valuable people that we get to raise.

photo credit: www.blogs.babiesonline.com

A long time ago, shopping in a favorite store, I found myself picking up and laughing over a pair of "the new thing", baby heels. Within seconds, I went through a series of thoughts- "I love shoes, I LOVE baby shoes, these are so bizarre! They are kinda cute! But kinda creepy". (They were soft squishy heels).

My final thought was why would I want my baby in heels?? I had fallen for it for a brief second because of my love of baby shoes and fashion. I guess those were "the thing" among celebrities for awhile. A perhaps for a second cute concept until you see this:

Photo credit: www.heelsandhers.com

I may be losing friends, but the perspective I'm coming from is hearing what girls have said for 8 years about the pressures they feel to grow up, to look good, to be sexy before they are aready.

Looking at the big picture, girls grow up too fast, the culture pushes for it just to make a profit, the girls pay the price, parents have a harder job saying no to more and more things. Girls definitely feel the pressure to look good at very early ages. They feel the pressure that they are supposed to want a boyfriend at very early ages, whether they want one or not.

Girls still want to be girls, but they have a lot to fight against to not be sucked into the marketing mold set for them.

We as parents have endless battles and our own form of adult peer pressure over what to allow and what to say no too. It's difficult! I have wanted to quit and give in numerous times, just out of sheer exhaustion and desire for ease. But we can't give in.

Good news is our girls can survive and be normal people without falling for all of this marketing! It's possible to keep things age appropriate and to help kids have a healthy childhood, then gradually grow into teen years. Everything "teen" doesn't have to be handed over at age 12 or 13.


For the readers out there, check out the list of recommended books on my website regarding this subject. I don't agree with everything they say in these books, but they are full of very good useful information. Take the good, toss what you may disagree with.


Packaging Girlhood by Sharon lamb, Ed.D., and Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed. D. is a great book to open your eyes to the overall marketing scheme going on to young girls. As is true so often, it seems it all comes down to money once again.


"We've been told our world empowers girls by offering them anything they want...in reality, it's a world designed by media and marketing exectutives that targets children as consumers". The authors say after reading this book, their hope is that "just as you now read the nutrition content on the side of the cereal box before buying it for your child, you will be able to read the messages in the shows she watches, the stores she walks into, and the activities she engages in, in order to provide healthy choices for her in the real world."

photo credit: www.youngwomenshealth.org

I love the way that is worded. We are so diet conscious, wanting labels on food, to see how what we take into our body is going to affect our health. It would be great if we did the same and considered how other things we take in in other forms will affect our mental and emotional health. I think it's no coincidence that with the rise of attitude, sexuality and growing up too fast, has come an increase in depression. Girls are not supposed to be grown up at 13. or 15. But they are told to act like they are. It's very confusing.


Read a man's point of view in this article from the Huffington Post by L Z Granderson. He speaks to this subject very directly. Click on this link.


Another news story about padded push up swimsuit bikinis marketed to as young as 7 year old by guess who....Abercrombie and Fitch. Click on this link to read that.


Another interesting debate : click here.

If you completely disagree with me and like the onesie featured in the blog pic, it can be found at www.snugfits.com. (Actually I just have to give photo credit).

Pt. 1 - A 4 Year Old Prostitute?

I have been reading with one eye a lot of things in the news lately about young girls, not because I don't care about the subject, because I do. But some things are so outrageous I don't like to give them attention. Like the show Toddlers and Tiaras. Lately though, the show has made national news for some outrageous things and it's time to stop ignoring the yuckiness.

I've never wanted to be a basher. I'd rather put good in front of people and let it speak for itself. But in the last month, two stories about Toddlers and Tiaras have put me over the edge. And you have probably seen the current cover of People magazine at the checkout stand speaking to the issue also. Now I have to speak up.

Credit: TLC/Splash News

For those fortunate enough to have missed the stories, first, a four year old girl wore fake breasts and a padded butt to emulate Dolly Parton. In the same week, this three year old you see in the picture wore a prostitute costume emulating Julia Roberts in the movie Pretty Woman. Both moms defended the costumes, though there has been much public outrage. Click on the links and see for yourself. As many are actually defending this, many more are speaking out against such behavior. Thank goodness.

The ridiculously early sexualization of girls in our culture is no secret. But we are declining faster and faster. Things are out of control. One thing I know, girls already feel enough pressure to grow up too fast. They already see females sexualized everywhere they turn. They already have too many daily messages coming at them that their entire worth is in how they look and in what they offer sexually.

But for the ones who are supposed to be their protectors and role models to encourage such shortsighted antics is just too much. And for me it doesn't stop there. Watching it for entertainment is too much also.

I am not a fan of Toddlers and Tiaras. I'll be honest and say I've never watched an entire episode because I can't stomach the whole concept. I think it's cheap entertainment and some things border on child abuse. I can't watch that for entertainment. I won't disown you as a friend if you do watch it, but I'd like to challenge the thinking for a moment. I may lose some people here but I will go as far as to say this: in my mind it's not a far stretch to say it is in the same vein as the days of history past. In Colosseum days the public watched violence and death for entertainment. We may balk at that. How could they have been so desensitized to sit and eat popcorn (or whatever they ate back then) while people were torn apart and killed in front of them? But today people watch young girls be subjected to what most would agree is a questionable world at best, and I believe damaging to them, for the sake of entertainment. And we give time and attention to moms who have obvious issues of their own, living selfishly through their girls. If you do not agree with the show, why support it by watching?

I remember hearing my girls talking about an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras once. (It's not part of the regular viewing of our family, but yes they have seen it). What's interesting is what I heard them saying about it afterwards. On their own, they were smart enough to see through it all. I asked my middle daughter Lauryn, who is 15, to share those thoughts again for this blog. She said she believes the little girls involved will one day be thinking "My mom doesn't think I'm good enough without all the hair, makeup and outfits, so I'll always need them to be good enough". She also felt like the girls in the shows will grow up being super insecure, or perhaps super snotty because they "get everything they want". They will also have to combat the pressure to always be perfect.

There is so much to say on this topic. I feel a series coming on. There are some great things being done to combat this culture that's trying to take over. I can't wait to share some of them with you! Let's start by saying this, let's keep our girls young while they are young!

Here is what my own girls looked like at 4 years old:

Role models were Elmo, Mr. Rogers, and Cinderella. Activities of interest were playing with toys, dressing up, spinning, raising turtles in the backyard, drawing and pretending to be sisters (yes, even though they were sisters, for some reason it was more fun to pretend they were sisters). When they were 4 they acted 4. I wanted them to be 4.

Today they are strong, full of character and have very healthy identities. That was 10 years ago...and things are declining faster now. Is it still possible to keep girls young and innocent today? Of course it is!



Here is one of my current favorite four year old girls, Lexi, daughter of fabulous Rabu and Kyna.

Lexi says her favorite thing to do is play. When asked to explain she said playing with her sisters, coloring, soccer, playing with blocks, dressing up, watching movies and sleeping!

She is adorable and smart.

The girls I have talked to over the years actually want to stay young as long as possible. They don't like the sexualization of girls either. They want to be valued for who they are as people.

Can we keep girls young? At least while they are young? Can we bring back childhood innocence?

Let's reconsider what is appropriate for young girls- in clothing, activities and entertainment.

Who's with me?