4th and 5th Grade Girls- The Worst Time of Day

Last week began a new Girls 101 workshop at a local elementary school.

To get things started, we did some brainstorming on first thoughts that come to mind when you hear the topic "Girls" or "Friends".

The first column are all the good things that friendships bring. I'm sure you can see from the second column, these are the negative things that come along with friendships among girls.

So is it a given that drama has to be a part of a girl's life?

Well, it's hard to avoid it completely, so there are some things we can talk through and learn about that help to deal with complications as they arise. Girls can feel a little more equipped at least, instead of helpless.

We challenge girls to think through the behavior of the offender, what motivates people to be mean in the first place. What's nice about doing workshops in schools, I have no idea who the nice ones or the mean ones are, (many can be both) and we talk freely about the issues, challenging each to the same standards.

According to girls everywhere, a lot happens at lunch and recess.  Many say recess is the worst because it's face to face conflict. Other times of the day, messages are being sent through other people, so it's more indirect, but recess is the mean person's chance to get face to face with you.

Discussion Starters:  Ask your daughter what lunchtime and recess are like at her school. Does she dread either for any reason? Does she see bad behavior happening to people? If so, take the opportunity to tell her your thoughts on how she can stand up for herself or others.

Hidden Thoughts of Tweens

I'm working on a project, so I pulled out a file from my cabinet. In it are many, many papers full of anonymous statements girls have written over the years during meetings and workshops.

When given the chance to air (even anonymously) the negative thoughts that nag their minds, they are happy to do so. Girls from various schools, various grades and situations in life have contributed, yet their statements are always strangely similar. 




I'm too shy.
I'm too quiet. Too sensitive.
I'm too loud.
I'm too ugly. Too skinny.
I'm so ugly.
I feel like I'm not worth it. I'm never going to fit in.
I'm not cool.
I'm too nice.
I wish I was better.
I feel like I'm not loved.
I'm too fat.
I feel not needed.

Girls everywhere have to overcome thoughts like these. Whether they have much or little, appear popular or subdued, one thing I've learned is most girls fight these feelings.

Many thoughts are based on looks, because we as a culture emphasize that more than anything, to our detriment.

Many thoughts are based in not being confident to be who they are. Goodness, we adults are still learning that, aren't we!?

Girls should remember that all girls, even the ones who appear most confident and perfect, and those who may even appear indifferent, all fight similar inner battles.

This is a good reason to be nice to each other. We have no idea what inner struggles people are going through. A nice person can make all the difference. So can a mean one. For good or bad.

During the tween years, there is tremendous pressure to become like everyone else. But isn't that bizarre?

There is no way every person can be the same. Tweens feel pressure to conform, to be loud or to be quiet, to be cool and confident, anything to fit in.

Yet if they aren't being true to themselves, trying to conform to everyone else will eventually wear them down.

If everyone is fighting the same battles, how about helping each other through them?

Discussion Starter:

Show your daughter these statements that other real girls have written. Ask her if they are common thoughts among girls she knows. Maybe it will lead to the thoughts she struggles with.

Phones and Social Media- Some Parents' Rules

Since my three recent posts, Dating Amongst Tweens, Dads Against Daughters Dating and At Some Point They Will Date, I've been thinking of the moms who do not have a husband at all to handle dating scenarios as they come up, and also those ladies who have a husband who is very hands off and unwilling in these matters.

I don't want to leave you out or leave you feeling discouraged that for whatever reason, your teens don't have a dad to enforce what you wish. Doing that alone is hard work. The answer to that dilemma is not easy. To be both roles yourself, or to find a father figure that your teen will listen to.

Through conversations I had with dads for those blog posts, some tips came up that might be valuable. I'd like to offer these out to everyone, but especially to moms in this situation. These tips can be used very well by dad or mom. In fact, in our house I enforce a lot of these myself, and just leave the big stuff to my husband. These are some steps that are helpful that will probably occur before dating even starts, so having some standards in place early on is helpful.


Here are some thoughts:

Our 16 year old daughter always has to ask us if a boy wants to be her "friend" on Facebook and we have to approve. She can not ask a boy to be Facebook friends first. She is not allowed to chat boys on Facebook either, unless she's related to them, or we know them very well. :)

We told our kids that they can't just give out their phone numbers willy nilly.

I've told my girls the benefit of giving out a google phone number instead of their cell phone number. With a google number, you can block people that you wish you hadn't given your number to or ever have a problem with. But the calls will forward to your real cell phone number. 

In middle school, my daughter is not allowed to give her number to boys, therefore she can't text them either. She can ask me about certain guys and if I approve it, I get their number also, so I have a list of boys numbers that are approved and who they are.

We do random phone and contact checks to see who they are talking to. I know sometimes kids "hide" people in their phone by listing them under someone else's name. My kids have to be ready to answer for everyone in their phone.

I don't let my kids "friend" anyone more than a couple of years older than them of the opposite sex unless it's a good family friend we know well. There's nothing to gain by them "getting to know" a guy or girl that much older.

We don't allow friending adults without asking us first. Has to be approved first. Teachers or coaches don't get cell phone numbers either. (We personally had this understanding too-my daughter was told if an adult asked for a cell number, to just give them mine.)

I reserve the right to have my kids "defriend" or "unfollow" people if I don't like what I see. If they want to stay on social media, that's part of it.

Much of  teens communication comes through these channels before dating ever starts, so having boundaries here in cell phones and social media is a good precursor to handling dating issues later.



 

Dating Amongst Tweens?

Earlier this fall, a very popular post was "Choosing a Good Husband", written after some college aged girls asked for relationship advice in choosing a man to marry. The girls who asked are at the stage of life where they are thinking about marriage, and want a marriage that will last.

So now, what about all the younger teens? Girls and guys who want to date, but aren't exactly ready for marriage? Then there's the topic of the younger tween years, where some form of dating is already occurring among many in early middle school.

What's a parent to do?

We as parents get confronted with this decision earlier than most of us would care to deal with it.  I remember being asked when my daughter was in 6th grade if she and a friend could go to the movies with 2 boys .Our reaction was, "How could we even be having this discussion in 6th grade?" Some allow this, some don't. For us it was a no, which I'll explain below.

Dating in middle school and dating in later years seem to usually mean two different things. In middle school it could mean a boy and girl like each other from afar, pass notes through friends, just text, ignore each other awkwardly in the hallway, or they may actually be going out to the movies together.

Even the college girls I spoke to this summer ended up confused with all the terms...talking, dating, official, Facebook official...as they tried to explain to me the current dating "process". The confusing part to me is the new "talking" phase, before dating. When it turns from talking to dating I'm still not sure. I really want to understand this though. (Would love clarifying comments if you feel like leaving them on this post!)

This I know, there can't be only one "right way to date", so I'm just going to offer some principles to consider, along with our personal thoughts since we've been asked. Upcoming blogs will offer the thoughts of many I've also been asking.  It's all food for thought, as you decide what's best for your family.

Today let's focus on the tween middle school years.

Boyfriends and dating feel so important to some middle schoolers. Some feel defined by whether or not they have a boyfriend. The first step is finding out what "dating" and "boyfriend" even mean at your kids school. Like I already said, it may mean actually going to the skating rink or movies with a boy, then again it may mean you stop talking and feel awkward around each other in the hallways (this is my preferred definition in 6th grade!)

One value my husband and I share is that of waiting for things. As you look at the big picture, where do certain issues fit in age appropriately. What are the pros and cons of dating, what are the pros and cons of waiting?

Let's draw a line that represents 6th grade to the end of college. I'm starting in 6th grade because that's where I've seen forms of dating start. In 6th grade tweens are about 11 or 12 years old.

_____6_____7_____8_____9______10_____11_____12______fresh___soph____junior___senior___



Instead of just saying a big fat NO to your tween, discuss the subject with them (even if it's still followed by a no.) Consider this- Sometimes girls actually feel like this particular 6th grade boy will last forever, so for the sake of the argument, let's assume it will last. So if you start "dating" in some form in 6th grade, even if you got married VERY early, let's say after high school, that's 7 years of dating. If you got married after college that's 11 years or so of dating. The average age to get married is age 25, so make that 14 years of dating possibly. The line above is just a visual of all the years you have to get through, for both you and your tween, if boyfriends start in 6th grade.

You will either date for a very long time, or you will break up. When you start to date, those are your options- marrying or breaking up. Dating one person exclusively long term is a very mature decision, and one that will cause your tween to perhaps miss out on many fun friend activities because of being so busy with a boyfriend. Also, the harder truth for a tween to hear is this- Unless you are at a marrying age, the truth about your dating relationship is that it's probably not going to last.  And breakups involve emotions, heartbreak, etc. etc.

Whenever boyfriends or dating do start, look at it in perspective of that line above. Know that they will be living at home until at least 12th grade, and things only escalate. It's easier to delay freedoms and give them when time, than to allow freedoms then have to go backwards, especially when there are many years left to get through.

Consider it this way, what is more helpful to your daughter, to practice giving her heart away, to a probable immature person who will most likely hurt it? Or to practice protecting and caring for her heart, knowing the value of relationships. I know that in middle school some kids have even joked that they were married and divorced. Constant early dating is a form of practicing the beginning and endings of relationships. After so much of that, the heart can get beat up.

Oh, why so serious? Is it really harmful to have a boy that you like at 12? I know there's no way you can "stop" your tween from liking a boy. You can't control their emotions. But as my husband puts it, you can like them, but it doesn't mean you need to do anything about it (spoken like a good dad). In other words, yes you're going to have feelings for people, but talking through and understanding this whole outlook with your kids will help them make better decisions, or at least understand the reasonings behind your decisions. Delaying follow through as long as you can just helps you out a bit.

Our girls hearts are valuable and by design they love to give their heart away to love. Knowing how and when to do that is worth talking about. As they grow up, protecting the value of their heart and who they give it to is an important part of life. For believers, giving their heart and love to Jesus will bring much more fulfillment to their lives than a boy will, especially in middle school. We as parents can help them learn to protect their emotions, and to know that watching over their heart is a meaningful thing. At some point, giving their heart away to another person will be the right thing to do! It helps for them to know that. It's all about timing.

Are boys evil? No. Definitely not. Are dates evil? No. Would my kids have survived unscathed if we had let them go to that 6th grade double date movie? Maybe. Probably. But our decision was based on the principle of this question- why even start the dating process then? For us, it's too young and the tweens have not even grown up enough to handle each other's hearts responsibly. The earlier you awaken and encourage the desire for a boyfriend, the longer and harder the road until marriage. On the other hand, if they grow up in themselves and in friendships, they will probably be happier and have a little less heartbreak.

Now I'm not speaking of boy friendships. I know that sometimes for girls, boys can make better friends than girls because of the middle school girl meanness. Boys are less dramatic. Then again, I have not found a man hardly who agrees with that...he says the boy always secretly likes the girl. The great debate, I don't think we can solve here. This blog is addressing boyfriends. In early tween teen years.

Some parents have a certain number that is the dating age. 15, 16, 18. That works well for many. We don't have a certain number, for us it depends on the daughter, the boy and the situation.

I'm also aware there are parents who are okay with real dating in middle school, as long as the daughter is open about it with the parents and follow certain guidelines. Feel free to leave a comment on this post about what your guidelines and reasonings are, in case someone reading this leans more toward that persuasion than mine.

Remember when I said some middle schoolers are defined by whether or not they have a boyfriend? Why is that. What is the motive? Middle school can be such an awkward uncertain time, and fitting in and social status is fairly important to most. Some may want a boyfriend just because they feel incomplete or out of the social scene if they don't have one. I would ask a girl, "Do you really enjoy him, or do you like who you are because of having a boyfriend?"  If it stands that no, she really likes him, good.

Even if a girl is very mature and has a really quality guy she likes, ask these questions: would you rather take the chance dating, or would you rather keep him for a really good friend? Friends are valuable and generally last longer. It's easy for a really good strong friendship to later become a dating relationship. It's much harder to recover a lost friendship after dating too soon and hurting the relationship.

If you really like him, keep him as a friend for awhile. Take things slowly. Be friends. Be whole yourself. Think about things, don't just take things "the way they are" without thinking for yourself.
I want to teach my girls that other people's hearts are valuable and fragile and not to be played with. I don't want boys using my girls to just get what they want. I don't want my girls doing that to boys.

So asking your tween the honest question of WHY they want a boyfriend is interesting. Listen to what they say. Have them answer the actual pros and cons of having a boyfriend in middle school. If your child understands the WHY of something, they are more likely to listen to you, or at least understand your decisions.

More fights happen between girls about boys than anything else. So much drama is wrapped up in dating life, I think because kids are still very immature in early teen years. Gee whiz, adults can barely handle relationships, why do we think 12 year olds can?


Coming soon...thoughts on high school...and some dads opinions.

What Do Our Lives Communicate?

Photo credit: Jadyn Noelle Photography

So I got a little distracted from this series by a personal issue and a current event but now, let's finish up thoughts on how today's communication has changed for all of us, especially teens!

Part One- Gone are the Days discusses the girls meeting I held where we went over all the communication problems now caused by texting conversations, instead of face to face communication.

Part Two- Distracted Relationships reveals that we adults too have been sucked in to the myriads of technology...enough to irritate our own kids at times.

So.  There are vast amounts of ways we communicate now. It used to be a hello and a handshake, or a handwritten, sealed, stamped letter that took days to arrive.

Now it's phonecalls, emails, texts, Skype-ing, Face Time and Instant Messaging. Just to name a few!

But many are the ways we may not be as aware of, that speak volumes about us too! And people are watching. Some things that have become normal for today's teen culture are fine, when considered and thought out ahead of time. Some things I don't consider fine. These are worth a conversation with teens.


We communicate through BODY LANGUAGE-

Tone of voice, facial expressions, eye contact, body language. These all contribute toward gaining true understanding of what a person is communicating. Is your friend rolling her eyes while talking to you or really paying attention to what you're saying? What does your body language say when you speak to friends?

Remember that when communicating through phone or social media, you're missing out on all these crucial elements of understanding true meaning. Many misunderstandings happen this way.

As a teen, can you hold a conversation with an adult? Can you shake hands firmly and look in the eye?

We communicate IDEAS everyday-

Whether we realize it or not, this is true. Do we pause to think about this? What ideas does your life communicate? 

Please stay with me through this thought. When talking to girls, I asked "What is your first thought of a girl who goes through lots of boyfriends in school?"  What does that communicate to you? And reverse it, what about boys who go through lots of girlfriends?

Your mind can come up with possible answers.  Not that the thought is accurate, and we are not encouraging judging people. I'm just pointing out that as humans, we cannot help but have an initial reaction or opinion to people's behavior. We may be able to work past that initial reaction and say to ourselves, "Well maybe that isn't true, I shouldn't judge". Hopefully so.  But let's face it, many people, especially in younger teen years, don't do that. It takes maturity. What we do affects what people think about us. And us of them. Right or wrong. Actions communicate.

Let's help our kids to think through initial thoughts of others, giving benefit of the doubt, not judging, yet being aware. And offering the forgiveness we all need continually. By the same token, help your teen realize that others are forming thoughts of them, right or wrong, and others may not be giving your teen the benefit of the doubt. It's important to communicate beyond initial impressions.

We communicate ideas about ourselves through PICTURES-

In today's picture obsessed world, this deserves alot of consideration.

Here is a wonderfully happy college girl like that I know. My daughter's roomie.  What does her picture communicate about her? By the way, this is how she looks most of the time! She is all flowers and sunshine to everyone she meets. It's just her. This picture reflects who she is.

During a girls meeting, I pulled up a random girl on Facebook that it took me awhile to find. No, I didn't know her, but half of the little square profile pic was her chest busting out of her rather small top.  Quiiiite a bit of cleavage shall we say.

I showed the picture to the girls. "What are your first thoughts? What do you think of her? What is she communicating about herself?" They obviously came up with answers. "Why do you think those things" is such an important question. She put her chest out there and that drums up alot of opinions, like it or not. It's human nature to have an opinion. So if you put your chest out there, odds are you'll drum up the same assumptions from others. Pictures communicate.

Consider the pictures you share and post on social media, or text to people. What are you communicating about yourself? Is it consistent with the image that you want others to have of you? If it is, great! Fabulous! If not, it's a good thing to think about.

It's way too common for kids to text underwear or naked pics to people. If you were to receive one of those, (heaven forbid), what does that communicate to you about the person who sent it? If you have sent one, what is the message you're trying to convey? Is that how you want to be thought of? Why?

I think we know that teen to early twenty years are pretty much known for silly, not well thought out behavior. I tell girls today they are the first generation that really don't have the luxury of not thinking first (unfortunately). If you take a pic, or someone takes it of you, there's not much to stop it from getting posted online, or sent to someone, whether you want it to or not.

Pictures live forever now. It used to be we could tear them up, destroy the negative. (yes, negative).  Now a picture is almost eternal! Let's be smart about it.


We communicate daily by CHOICE OF WORDS- 

Picture someone you know who always has something nice to say. They are well spoken, mannered, full of nice words. What do they communicate to you about themselves?

For those that are fellow fans of old movies, think about how classy and fun ladies were in the old Doris Day movies. Or Audrey Hepburn. Ladies were classy, well spoken.

What's fairly common in some circles today? For some girls to greet each other with "What's up b**ch?"  What does that communicate? It's a far stretch from the fun Doris Day days!

I remember being fresh out of college and getting one of my first jobs as a receptionist. A co-worker immediately didn't like me and passively called me a b*tch as she worked away next to me. I got up, went to my bosses office and said "I"ll not be working with someone so unprofessional and I won't be called a b*tch". Boss lady called us both in and we all had it out. I don't mind working with people who use language, but not directed at me. She never did it again, and we became friends.  In fact, one day when I was horribly sick at home alone in my apartment, she was the one who came and delivered medicine to me.

Another one, the EFF word is becoming way too common, with WTF and FML. If you don't know what those mean, ask a teenager. They all know. Because of texting, I'm afraid it's even more common with kids who normally wouldn't talk like that out loud. But they may type or text it.

Even if they don't say the words but text them all the time, does that make it different? That's up to you.

How you come across to people will either earn you respect...or not.

For those who are Christians, we talk about the difference between following culture just because it's culture, or following Scripture.  If culture says it's normal to send naked pics, should we do it?

We DO know.

Everyone has an internal measure. You know where the line is. Would you say certain things to your grandma or your pastor? Can I lead a girls meeting using the EFF or B word?

People know when to "clean it up" because we just internally know. Everyone would straighten up in front of the Pope. Why? People recognize certain behavior as wrong in front of someone "holy", for lack of better word.

It could be a fun exercise to pay attention to yourself for the next few days and try to see what others might see in what you do.

Discussion Starter with your teen: Go through each of the topics above and ask for their opinion on what they see at school on a daily basis. Hear out their opinions. For Christians, try and decipher what is just culture and okay, or what parts of culture contradict what Scripture teaches.

Thanks for staying with me. That was long!

Pt. 2 - Early Sexualization of Girls

Tweens. We all know that word, right? How long has it been around? I remember life before the word existed. It wasn't too long ago.


According to Packaging Girlhood by Sharon Lamb, Ed. D. and Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed. D.:


"Tween- a combination of teen and between- is a marketing concept developed in the eighties to get kids, primarily girls, to continue buying toys. When the top age of toy users dropped from 12 to 8, toy stores started offering diva dolls, makeup, jewelry craft kits, and room decor to encourage girls to identify with issues and products older than they are. The common concern we hear from parents and school counselors- that girls are buying into a culture that has them growing up too fast- is the marketers dream come true; a crossover market! Marketing publications are filled with gleeful stories about the spending power of this age group; strategies for capturing the tween doll, shoe, music, accessory, and clothing market; how to get girls' attention in new and more spectacular ways; how to own them and channel their desires while not alienating the parents. We can see the results of all this effort in the ways products are marketed to preteens, ingenious strategies that combine innocence and edge....What's troubling about all of this is giving us all the false notion that the tween years...are something more than pure marketing. Juliet Schor, author of Born to Buy, interviewed top executives at companies that sell products to children, only to find them shrugging their shoulders and saying that although they know what they sell isn't good for kids, it's up to parents to say no. Plain and simple, marketers study children to understand what will grab their attention and make it difficult for parents to point their children in healthier directions...While products aimed at tween girls promise perfect faces and bodies, friends, and boyfriends, the marketers and manufacturers don't have to confront the negative impact on girls: the confusion about sexuality and romantic relationships, the anxiety about weight and appearance, the struggle with popularity and fitting in. No, they leave that to you."


(By the way, the ages marketed to has dropped to at least age 7). It starts here, just subtly:

In The Lolita Effect by M. Gigi Durham, Ph.D., she states:


"The media, which are driven by profit and ratings, aren't in the business of respecting or advocating for girls. As far as the media industries go, cultivating consumers as early as possible is a central goal. That's why we're seeing increasingly adult content being aimed at very young children; that's why the dolls sold to preschoolers look exactly like the half-dressed women in music videos and soft-core men's magazines, and why toddlers' fashions are almost indistinguishable from those of teenagers. Marketers call this "KGOY," or "Kids Getting Older Younger": that's where the developmental differences among children are blurred by the media through strategies geared toward creating consumer bases as early as possible".


Doesn't that just kind of make you mad like it does me? Companies want to make money off of my kid growing up too fast?


Now we'll switch to my own thoughts and I'm sure you'll be able to tell the shift of style (ha). (Already). We as parents have to be able to say no. We've raised 3 girls, well we're not done, but we've gotten through the hardest years in this regard.


We have survived without buying sassy t-shirts, clothes that promote bad attitudes, bikinis, thongs and push up bras, and underwear that say suggestive things. Ok, so we somehow had one pair years ago that slipped through when we shopped in a hurry and it's still a joke among our home. It is hard work to find a one piece swimsuit that is still doable or even a decent tankini. Thank goodness that trend is changing. It's REALLY hard work to find a bra for a young teen. Really, Abercrombie? Push ups that are marketed to ages 7-14? The smallest size would fit most 9 year olds.

Years ago at Kohls, a worker heard me say out loud that I would never buy any of these bras for a 12 year old, so she sent me over to the kids department. Over there I found a miniscule selection of pieces of cotton with straps on them, declaring the love of summer in bold colors. Were there no choices between play/trainer bras and Victoria's Secret style push up padded leopard print? (which I don't have a problem with unless they are for young girls).


In the clothing arena, our kids knew there were shops we just didn't go to, so don't even ask. It really wasn't an issue, no one whined over it because they knew we don't shop there. We are definitely a house full of girls into clothes and fashion so I'm not throwing out the whole industry by any means! And as conservative as I feel, I know there are circles where I seem to be the wild one, so I realize there is a wide spectrum of viewpoints on clothing. I guess I'm in the middle. I shop at most of the normal stores, but believe there's ways to be stylish without turning into an advertising billboard of things we don't believe in. There's a way to dress without falling for all of this early sexualization money making stuff.


Things have declined faster and younger just over the last few years. What really gets me now is the onesies for babies I see in stores. Ok, some are comical like "ipood. Download complete" (instead of ipad...computer terms...for those wondering).

But I have issue with all of the t-shirts sold that display sassy attitudes and sexual inuendo. Believe it or not, those are both available on baby onesies. I've seen them in the store. Such as a boy's onesie that says "Your crib or mine?" or "Mmmmm....boobies" or "Drink all night".

I know people aren't trying to create little partiers.

I guess some think it's funny and cute, like their kid is a funny little billboard for display. I look at those onesies and think if you start feeding that attitude toward life right now, what is the future? It's so subtle.

When you look at the big picture, in my opinion all of these things take away from, instead of developing, the little eternal valuable people that we get to raise.

photo credit: www.blogs.babiesonline.com

A long time ago, shopping in a favorite store, I found myself picking up and laughing over a pair of "the new thing", baby heels. Within seconds, I went through a series of thoughts- "I love shoes, I LOVE baby shoes, these are so bizarre! They are kinda cute! But kinda creepy". (They were soft squishy heels).

My final thought was why would I want my baby in heels?? I had fallen for it for a brief second because of my love of baby shoes and fashion. I guess those were "the thing" among celebrities for awhile. A perhaps for a second cute concept until you see this:

Photo credit: www.heelsandhers.com

I may be losing friends, but the perspective I'm coming from is hearing what girls have said for 8 years about the pressures they feel to grow up, to look good, to be sexy before they are aready.

Looking at the big picture, girls grow up too fast, the culture pushes for it just to make a profit, the girls pay the price, parents have a harder job saying no to more and more things. Girls definitely feel the pressure to look good at very early ages. They feel the pressure that they are supposed to want a boyfriend at very early ages, whether they want one or not.

Girls still want to be girls, but they have a lot to fight against to not be sucked into the marketing mold set for them.

We as parents have endless battles and our own form of adult peer pressure over what to allow and what to say no too. It's difficult! I have wanted to quit and give in numerous times, just out of sheer exhaustion and desire for ease. But we can't give in.

Good news is our girls can survive and be normal people without falling for all of this marketing! It's possible to keep things age appropriate and to help kids have a healthy childhood, then gradually grow into teen years. Everything "teen" doesn't have to be handed over at age 12 or 13.


For the readers out there, check out the list of recommended books on my website regarding this subject. I don't agree with everything they say in these books, but they are full of very good useful information. Take the good, toss what you may disagree with.


Packaging Girlhood by Sharon lamb, Ed.D., and Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed. D. is a great book to open your eyes to the overall marketing scheme going on to young girls. As is true so often, it seems it all comes down to money once again.


"We've been told our world empowers girls by offering them anything they want...in reality, it's a world designed by media and marketing exectutives that targets children as consumers". The authors say after reading this book, their hope is that "just as you now read the nutrition content on the side of the cereal box before buying it for your child, you will be able to read the messages in the shows she watches, the stores she walks into, and the activities she engages in, in order to provide healthy choices for her in the real world."

photo credit: www.youngwomenshealth.org

I love the way that is worded. We are so diet conscious, wanting labels on food, to see how what we take into our body is going to affect our health. It would be great if we did the same and considered how other things we take in in other forms will affect our mental and emotional health. I think it's no coincidence that with the rise of attitude, sexuality and growing up too fast, has come an increase in depression. Girls are not supposed to be grown up at 13. or 15. But they are told to act like they are. It's very confusing.


Read a man's point of view in this article from the Huffington Post by L Z Granderson. He speaks to this subject very directly. Click on this link.


Another news story about padded push up swimsuit bikinis marketed to as young as 7 year old by guess who....Abercrombie and Fitch. Click on this link to read that.


Another interesting debate : click here.

If you completely disagree with me and like the onesie featured in the blog pic, it can be found at www.snugfits.com. (Actually I just have to give photo credit).