Parenting in the Wilderness

Lucky for you, today's post is from my friend, Tracy Schaller.



Tracy and her husband, Mark both went to college with me way back when. In fact, I remember them like this:

Remember that guest post from my friend Lucy about Raising a Daughter with a Disability? Mark was the team leader for that missions trip that Lucy and I were both on. Not sure if Mark knew Lucy and I snuck out and raided the pantry, but oh well.

Mark and Tracy were dating during that summer that Mark, Lucy and I spent in Amsterdam. The days of receiving letters from back home were exciting, I do remember that. The funny thing is, I never really knew Tracy very well, just through Mark that summer. I know he adored her.  I didn't get to "know" Tracy well until Facebook this last year! Isn't that funny. There are some people you can get to know and relate to, when you find them posting things that you would post, you like the comments you see, common opinions are realized. Facebook is a funny thing, but it IS possible to get to know someone through it.

NOW, Mark and Tracy have 7 beautiful children, ranging in ages from 4-18. They have been married for almost 23 years. An amazing example of a great family.

I just had a feeling. I asked Tracy if she would share something on this blog. Usually I give people a direction, or theme. This time it was an open ended question. She responded with this beautiful devotional for parenting that she wrote. I will let it speak for itself. I'm sure it'll speak to you.

"Parenting…no one ever said it would be easy.  And if they did, they lied.  There are definitely different seasons in parenting – depending on the year, the month, the week, the day, the hour, the moment!  Often it seems like a mommy finds herself in the “wilderness season” more than she cares to be. 

Here you may feel hot (bothered, sweating, as in -"I don’t know what I am doing, I’m not even sure how we arrived here, and how do we get out – alive"), thirsty (for His wisdom, His knowledge, His understanding, His answers, His comfort…are you parched yet!?)  

At these times your children may feel like the desert animals – serpents and wild animals.  I think it is safe to say – we have all been there and have experienced that!!

The beautiful thing is that there is hope!!  Here are just a few reminders that just may help you during this season of wilderness mothering.

He knows your name and is calling…(Hagar heard Him call while in the wilderness – Gen 21:17-19 – He opened her eyes and she saw a well of water.  I’m so thankful that there is always a few places small springs of water rise to the surface and give enough moisture for growth.  May He open your ears to hear and your eyes to see.  His presence is near.  He is our living water – our oasis!!  He uses all for growth!

He wants us to simply be in fellowship with Him – abiding – resting – trusting, peaceful – not afraid.  Song of Songs 8:5 “Who is this coming up from the DESERT leaning on her lover?”   If we lean on Him – He promises to direct our paths.  It is He who is pouring living water in you and through you  (to help others find the Oasis – Jesus – in their mothering.)  This verse reminds me of my job – abiding – and His job – giving me strength. 

It reminds me that it is okay to look odd to this world in my mothering – they will eventually say and ask, “Who is this LOVER of hers?”  Oh, that is my heart’s cry…may they see Jesus.  My reactions during the wilderness season matters – others are watching!  The only way for me to be a terrific mom is my leaning on the Creator of my children!

Finally, I love His promise to mothers!!  Isa. 40:11  “He tends his flock like a shepherd.  He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart, he gently leads those that have young.”  Ponder it!!  Allow Him to be all this to you – this moment!


We all know that parenting isn’t for wimps.  “Keep Calm and Carry on”, my mommy friend. 

Lean on Him – abide, hope, rest, know His love, wait on Him….His promises are sure and true!"

What Do Our Lives Communicate?

Photo credit: Jadyn Noelle Photography

So I got a little distracted from this series by a personal issue and a current event but now, let's finish up thoughts on how today's communication has changed for all of us, especially teens!

Part One- Gone are the Days discusses the girls meeting I held where we went over all the communication problems now caused by texting conversations, instead of face to face communication.

Part Two- Distracted Relationships reveals that we adults too have been sucked in to the myriads of technology...enough to irritate our own kids at times.

So.  There are vast amounts of ways we communicate now. It used to be a hello and a handshake, or a handwritten, sealed, stamped letter that took days to arrive.

Now it's phonecalls, emails, texts, Skype-ing, Face Time and Instant Messaging. Just to name a few!

But many are the ways we may not be as aware of, that speak volumes about us too! And people are watching. Some things that have become normal for today's teen culture are fine, when considered and thought out ahead of time. Some things I don't consider fine. These are worth a conversation with teens.


We communicate through BODY LANGUAGE-

Tone of voice, facial expressions, eye contact, body language. These all contribute toward gaining true understanding of what a person is communicating. Is your friend rolling her eyes while talking to you or really paying attention to what you're saying? What does your body language say when you speak to friends?

Remember that when communicating through phone or social media, you're missing out on all these crucial elements of understanding true meaning. Many misunderstandings happen this way.

As a teen, can you hold a conversation with an adult? Can you shake hands firmly and look in the eye?

We communicate IDEAS everyday-

Whether we realize it or not, this is true. Do we pause to think about this? What ideas does your life communicate? 

Please stay with me through this thought. When talking to girls, I asked "What is your first thought of a girl who goes through lots of boyfriends in school?"  What does that communicate to you? And reverse it, what about boys who go through lots of girlfriends?

Your mind can come up with possible answers.  Not that the thought is accurate, and we are not encouraging judging people. I'm just pointing out that as humans, we cannot help but have an initial reaction or opinion to people's behavior. We may be able to work past that initial reaction and say to ourselves, "Well maybe that isn't true, I shouldn't judge". Hopefully so.  But let's face it, many people, especially in younger teen years, don't do that. It takes maturity. What we do affects what people think about us. And us of them. Right or wrong. Actions communicate.

Let's help our kids to think through initial thoughts of others, giving benefit of the doubt, not judging, yet being aware. And offering the forgiveness we all need continually. By the same token, help your teen realize that others are forming thoughts of them, right or wrong, and others may not be giving your teen the benefit of the doubt. It's important to communicate beyond initial impressions.

We communicate ideas about ourselves through PICTURES-

In today's picture obsessed world, this deserves alot of consideration.

Here is a wonderfully happy college girl like that I know. My daughter's roomie.  What does her picture communicate about her? By the way, this is how she looks most of the time! She is all flowers and sunshine to everyone she meets. It's just her. This picture reflects who she is.

During a girls meeting, I pulled up a random girl on Facebook that it took me awhile to find. No, I didn't know her, but half of the little square profile pic was her chest busting out of her rather small top.  Quiiiite a bit of cleavage shall we say.

I showed the picture to the girls. "What are your first thoughts? What do you think of her? What is she communicating about herself?" They obviously came up with answers. "Why do you think those things" is such an important question. She put her chest out there and that drums up alot of opinions, like it or not. It's human nature to have an opinion. So if you put your chest out there, odds are you'll drum up the same assumptions from others. Pictures communicate.

Consider the pictures you share and post on social media, or text to people. What are you communicating about yourself? Is it consistent with the image that you want others to have of you? If it is, great! Fabulous! If not, it's a good thing to think about.

It's way too common for kids to text underwear or naked pics to people. If you were to receive one of those, (heaven forbid), what does that communicate to you about the person who sent it? If you have sent one, what is the message you're trying to convey? Is that how you want to be thought of? Why?

I think we know that teen to early twenty years are pretty much known for silly, not well thought out behavior. I tell girls today they are the first generation that really don't have the luxury of not thinking first (unfortunately). If you take a pic, or someone takes it of you, there's not much to stop it from getting posted online, or sent to someone, whether you want it to or not.

Pictures live forever now. It used to be we could tear them up, destroy the negative. (yes, negative).  Now a picture is almost eternal! Let's be smart about it.


We communicate daily by CHOICE OF WORDS- 

Picture someone you know who always has something nice to say. They are well spoken, mannered, full of nice words. What do they communicate to you about themselves?

For those that are fellow fans of old movies, think about how classy and fun ladies were in the old Doris Day movies. Or Audrey Hepburn. Ladies were classy, well spoken.

What's fairly common in some circles today? For some girls to greet each other with "What's up b**ch?"  What does that communicate? It's a far stretch from the fun Doris Day days!

I remember being fresh out of college and getting one of my first jobs as a receptionist. A co-worker immediately didn't like me and passively called me a b*tch as she worked away next to me. I got up, went to my bosses office and said "I"ll not be working with someone so unprofessional and I won't be called a b*tch". Boss lady called us both in and we all had it out. I don't mind working with people who use language, but not directed at me. She never did it again, and we became friends.  In fact, one day when I was horribly sick at home alone in my apartment, she was the one who came and delivered medicine to me.

Another one, the EFF word is becoming way too common, with WTF and FML. If you don't know what those mean, ask a teenager. They all know. Because of texting, I'm afraid it's even more common with kids who normally wouldn't talk like that out loud. But they may type or text it.

Even if they don't say the words but text them all the time, does that make it different? That's up to you.

How you come across to people will either earn you respect...or not.

For those who are Christians, we talk about the difference between following culture just because it's culture, or following Scripture.  If culture says it's normal to send naked pics, should we do it?

We DO know.

Everyone has an internal measure. You know where the line is. Would you say certain things to your grandma or your pastor? Can I lead a girls meeting using the EFF or B word?

People know when to "clean it up" because we just internally know. Everyone would straighten up in front of the Pope. Why? People recognize certain behavior as wrong in front of someone "holy", for lack of better word.

It could be a fun exercise to pay attention to yourself for the next few days and try to see what others might see in what you do.

Discussion Starter with your teen: Go through each of the topics above and ask for their opinion on what they see at school on a daily basis. Hear out their opinions. For Christians, try and decipher what is just culture and okay, or what parts of culture contradict what Scripture teaches.

Thanks for staying with me. That was long!

Discerning Mom Vs. Rebellious Child - Wanda Watson

I'd like you to meet another friend of mine, Wanda Watson.  We met about 25 years ago through a mutual fun friend here in Tulsa. Wanda was the wise woman at the time and we were floundering youth!

Wanda has raised four amazing children, 3 daughters and a son, most of the time as a single mom. She lives in Texas now, but spent all of these childrearing years in Tulsa. Her kids are all grown, happily married and have given her 6 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren that she adores!!

We lost touch for years, but found each other again through Facebook! (One of the benefits of Facebook...)

One fun fact  about Wanda (that she won't tell you)  is how back then she would move wherever she felt like God led her to, for whatever period of time He said, and it was always to affect the life of someone nearby. This was when her empty nest years had started. She was extremely involved at Victory Christian Center while she was also a social worker at D.H.S. She might live in an apartment for a year because God said to move there, and there was always someone who needed her influence at that time. She loved every move and all the people along the way. She loves people, is humble, fun and silly too. But when it comes to spiritual things, she is strong and bold and seems to have a direct line to God (though she won't like that I just wrote that!) :)

There's something very beneficial about kids knowing that they can't lie, because their mom hears from God. That's the kind of mom she was. She was a very loving and supportive mom, who worked full time, volunteered many hours at church, made sure she spent time with all her kids, but also had to be extra strong, raising kids as a single mom.

I could come at her story from many angles, but what I want to focus on today is something very specific, hoping it will help those in similar situations.  That is, how to deal with a rebellious child, especially if you have the personality type Wanda has, which is very discerning.

There are too many good nuggets, so I'm breaking my 5 things rule and giving her more. She gets 8! :)

1.  You can use your discernment in two ways - to judge or for information. Some discerning people pounce on their kids because they feel like they "know" what's going on with them already. Don't pounce. Use your discernment for information, but follow up with questions. Try your best not to judge your kids. They know by your attitude when you have already judged them and they will close up. If you have a hard time not judging them, tell them "I don't want to judge you, I just need to understand, so that I won't." Never open your mouth to let the enemy of our souls use your words against them. (God watches over His Word to perform it and the enemy seems to watch over ours to make it happen as well.)


2. Even though I often knew what was going on, I didn't assume I knew for sure. I asked questions. I often said,  "You know when I was young, this is what was happening...what's it like now?" to start conversations. She seemed surprised that I was human and had any kind of problems, after all I was her mom. :)


3.  Whether your kids are rebellious or quiet, the same principles apply to each, just with a different approach. Since I never wanted to pounce or condemn her with my mouth, I prayed first and asked God how to deal with her rebellion. I asked "How do I lead her?" I always tried to give unconditional love, without judging her. God allows us to see their goodness and focus on that, rather than totally on the deed done, so we can teach them how to turn it around to their good. There were a few times when God put my discipline on hold until He had better opportunity to get my hearing in tune with His way of doing things; rather then me going off on a tangent at the moment of occurence.


4. I explained to her, sometimes drawing pictures so it made more sense, that she was  in this parameter of safety that God had for her (under me as the parent).  I drew a box to represent that. This parameter will expand as she got older, with more freedoms and trustworthiness.  If she messed up, the parameter decreased, with fewer freedoms, but it didn't mean she was a bad person.  It just meant she wasn't emotionally ready to have the parameter expanded. My answer wasn't "You can't do it again", but yes, when you are ready. Or we will try this again after you have had time to show you can handle more of your own decisions in other areas. I'm supporting you until you are ready. I'm on your team. My job is to protect you and I love doing it!

5.  I reasoned with my kids.  Taught them the right thing, let them know of choices that were ahead, what would happen, how to make better choices...We expounded not just on the consenquece of the bad decisions but the benefits of the good ones. I let them know that growing up is a process and they will make mistakes but I am always there to support them when it goes well and help when it does not.  This allowed me to be proactive instead of reactive. Roleplay with your kids.


6.  God gives you ability and insight with your kids. Listen to it and follow through with it. When I said my youngest couldn't date until 16, I didn't  relent on rules. I had to follow through.  Curfew was midnight, not 5 minutes after midnight. If they were after midnight at all, they had to skip the next date.  Even if the excuse was legitimate. I let her boyfriend and her know that being responsible in dating is planning ahead for delays. When she did start dating, I said "these are the days you can date, you won't go out more than these certain days a week." When she hit her limit that week, I didn't relent even if special circumstances came up. The mom of one of her dates was upset with me, saying "I don't want to have a Romeo and Juliet situation, since they aren't allowed to be together".  I said, "If you're son is that unstable, I'd rather they not keep dating."


I wouldn't let her go to the Caravan, the teen dance club in Tulsa. I told her and her date, "I'll know you are there and I'll come inside, embarrass you and get you out."  She actually smiled and shook her head in a "yes she will" kind of way that was not at all sarcastic. It told me that in her heart she really did know that my restrictions were because of my love for her and I would take care of her even if she couldn't. They never did go to the Caravan.I had to be strict because of her rebelliousness and stubbornness. She needed to know that I loved her. At times I knew her obedience was because  she knew there were consequences and not because it was in her heart, but God reminded me that obedience in action will lead to obedience in heart.


7.  Pray for wisdom. One of my daughters and her now husband, when they dated and would sit in the vehicle too long in the driveway, I would send younger siblings out to see them in the driveway so it wouldn't cause embarrassment, but would let them know it was time to come in.  Had that not worked I would have not had a problem embarrassing them by coming out myself. Later they told me they're glad I did that. God knew.


8. Pray scriptures for your kids, pray that the Word will be true in their lives. My kids know and say that I prayed Isaiah 61 over them, and have told me the many ways that Isaiah 61 has come true in their lives.


Other people  have commented to me what a blessing my children are to them and how their ministry to them has changed their lives. Now I have grandchildren who are following Christ and are now blessing others. The Word of God prayed over your chldren will not return to the Father without producing what that Word is sent out to do. He is faithful.

This daughter who was rebellious back then, is now a surgical care R.N. and working towards a degree to become a Nurse Practitioner.
Some kids are easy, some are difficult. Pray for wisdom and insight. Never assume you know what's going on. Never judge your kids. Love them unconditionally. Be the parent.


I know that God taught me so much while raising my children and it was a case by case or child by child lesson, but when we are willing to trust Him and listen to HIs Spirit He will never fail to lead us to right thinking and decisions for each one. He promises to give wisdom.

Why I Can't Get Anything Done

allow me a moment to indulge you into just a few moments of my mind this hot crazy summer, which i surprisingly captured on paper.


"after a late night stalking jason castro with my girls at a local concert, staying late to ensure they got a picture with him, i awoke early this morning to take a daughter to horse lessons. the summer heat stretch is causing us to have incredibly early lessons to ensure survival and the drive is a bit far away.

sometimes i stay out in the area to write, sometimes i drive home. today? giggly over getting home to a MUCH needed quiet morning alone! even if it's only an hour and a half before having to drive out there again. so excited. barely got horse daughter out of the car when other daughter calls because she has a sudden babysitting job way out by the horse lessons, so can i take her? of course. certainly. even though i have to drive allll the way home to get her and allll they way back out by horse lessons. don't want to discourage strong work ethic. so much for the needed quiet morning. i can adjust.

drive home. have one cup of coffee. take daughter way back out to babysitting job. if i added up time spent in car i'd be depressed so i don't. come home. aaahhh quiet morning. get a text from horse daughter that someone else is bringing her home. praise God for nice people! get call from sitter daughter that she's been requested to stay longer now, but doesn't know how long, so now i'm "on call".

have a bit of needed time alone. remember that husband asked me to drop off dry cleaning shirts today. throw them in the floor in the doorway so i can't possibly forget to take them when leave. whenever that is. i don't know because i'm on call. get a call from third nanny daughter who is watching 3 kids. the problem is she has to take them places but the boy has hives and can't get hot. we all know her car is blazing hot because it hasn't had AC in three years and the nation is in the middle of a hellish heat streak. so could they use my car? (which leaves me with hot car to pick up sitter daughter who dies if she has to be seen in nanny daughter's car especially if a parent is driving it).

searching for viable options, the other choice we come up with is i could drive the whole group to their lunch destination, wait a half hour doing whatever i'm supposed to do, then come back and get them and take them to the theater, then go back and get them two hours later, which would work but wait, what if sitter daughter needs a ride right when movie starts? then she'd have to sit there awkwardly with people she doesn't know well for 30 minutes while i drive to get her since it's so far away. that really wouldn't hurt her so maybe i'll do that. or i could say no to the whole nanny daughter thing like my husband would. but according to the kids, that's what makes mom the mom. she does these things.

being a mom is like one gigantic ongoing sacrifice. we consider things husbands don't. i can't let the boy with hives drive in a hot car can i? ok take my car. i'll drive the hot one. nanny daughter has suffered three years in it, so i can take one turn. i leave in hot car to take the shirts that i tripped on to the dry cleaners. turn on car and radio station i don't allow is blasting. reminded that she's 18 and going to college and there's not a darned thing i can do about and it's not my job to approve her music outside my home anymore. remember the speech my husband often gives about the "diet" of music, not wanting too much junk food in their diet. and all the reasons they've gotten from me about unapproved music and why. the times i've made them read lyrics out loud to us. or worse for them, when i read them. ha.

reminded that she tells me she turns off gross, degrading songs and doesn't like them either. i think about a music/media blog coming up and i could blog this, but then people would probably say aaaahhh, the poor deceived blog lady actually thinks her daughter turns off the bad songs. isn't that precious....but i can handle that cuz i know she probably does because that's the kind of person she is, and has she ever actually listened to one? probably. i'm not clueless. i remember how long it took me to clean up my own song habits and how i only really listened when it was God telling me and not someone's speeches.

then i see a handwritten scripture taped to dashboard next to the radio about may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord. thank you Jesus. i chuckle at how contrasting the song and the scripture are as i listen to the words of the song which i 've decided to KEEP playing, so i can be proven if needed that this isn't really a bad station. but the song is describing an ongoing sex scene in more detail than i have ever heard in a song, and now i have to listen to it for research purposes so i know what's going on.

so now i'm driving around the hot car blasting the unapproved radio station thinking how funny it would be for people to see the 5 things lady driving around blasting around an explicit sex song. then it's windy cuz all the windows are down cuz it's hot so now i have to turn it up even louder and i'm thinking what a funny blog this could be but do i dare expose the world to my real mind? i remember how my husband told me once it must be exhausting to live inside of my head and i had only given him a tiny glimpse of my daily reality. laugh to myself because people think i'm quiet sometimes, but it's cuz my head is always like this and there's so much going on that i'm too tired to talk.

i stop at the gas station to get gas because of course the car that i get has one fume, but the song isn't over so i sit and listen to the end of it (yes with my windows down), typing whatever words i can understand into my phone so i can look it up later for research purposes to know what those muddled words actually were. wondering how many kids listen to this garbage and how many parents even know that the songs say such things? or do the parents listen to?

anyway, pump gas, get back in hot car, excited i have a new text, then realize it's from myself. disappointed. laugh that in my mom world with sometimes little adult interaction, a text is cause for excitement. how pathetic. at least i entertain myself. i am my own best friend. as i drive and sweat, i'm thinking to myself that not only am i on call to pick up sitter daughter whever that is, but i also previously agreed to take horse daughter to a friend's house after her lesson. my selfish motive at the time was to have quiet time , but there's always a price, right? and my price is driving. and oh how i pay. but soon i'll have no one to drive around and then i'll miss this, right? self talk. perspective.

so the day that i thought would be filled with aloneness and fulfilling writing deadlines is now full. then i recall that yesterday was the SAME. i started my glorious day only to receive a phonecall from my husband that his car had just broken down on the highway. he got a ride to work. i still don't understand what happened, but all i know is i had to take a spare key, drive it to abandoned car, put the key under the mat and leave it unlocked because the tow truck was on it's way. simple.

i promptly drive to abandoned car. leave key under mat. lock door. get ready to drive away and PANIC that i just locked our only extra key into the abandoned car, with tow truck in route!!

PANIC that i cannot possibly reveal my ignorance OR stress out my husband who is in a series of meeting after meetings and can't help me anyway. i have to take care of it myself and don't have much time to do it and how could possibly be this DUMB? because my head is this full you see.

all the way there i was sad thinking of all the hard sicknesses and accidents and hospitalizations of friend's children that are going on. it's just so wrong and there are so many things to pray for and i want everyone to have a miracle. so now i've locked the only key inside. as i hold my skirt down with each wind gust from each semi that barrels by, i am thankful for smartphones. look up locksmiths. beg someone to come like right NOW cuz a tow truck is on the way, and my husband can't possibly know i did this, because he just wouldn't get it, cuz men's heads aren't full like this, right? all the cartoons show the empty bubble cloud above the man's head and he told me that really IS true, and then i think i wish i was a man sometimes it would be easier, but not really cuz then i'd have to provide an income.

a wonderful locksmith, now my BFF4L, came and saved me within 15 minutes and i use an old credit card hoping it will go by unnoticed, realizing i would have paid him a million dollars, well not really but YAY it was under 100. we pact together that this never happened and i speed off. husband texted that the tow truck was almost there and i respond "cool." so calm.

now i'm driving home and get a panicked call from horse daughter who is at home and she's crying cuz our dog has something wrong with it. i imagine heat stroke and i panic again, speeding home. why is my heart pounding so much today? thank goodness it wasn't actually heat related. i misunderstood the crying sounds and the dog was okay, it's too hard to explain the tears so never mind. now i have to spend an hour settling my heart from the adrenalin rush i just had twice. i'm thinking of my friends who had worse things happen recently and wow if i'm pounding over that imagine what they were like. go home. exhausted. no writing today.

i'm left today thinking about people asking how the writing is going, probably wondering about my self imposed deadlines i've spoken out loud. and how difficult that is to answer. what do i do everyday? things like this. drive, drive around town, drive more. meet needs. say yes to too much. write in my head, wondering if i'll ever have time to get it on paper. wondering if it matters.

thinking what a funny blog this could be-inside a multi tasking mother's head. but then i wonder wait what if i'm the only one? then i'd just look really crazy to the whole world. well the whole world of 100 people that might potentially be reading it. but surely not, surely other moms can relate to this madness. am i the only one? please say i'm not. am i brave enough to find out? i don't know yet. we'll see. but i'd definitely find out if my husband reads my blog!

gotta go. sitter daughter needs her ride. i didn't tell her it's the hot car. we'll surprise her.

p.s. if no one comments that they can totally relate, i may never blog again. and we'll say this never happened."

p.p.s. the above picture is what I actually looked like driving around this summer. the below pic is how i liked to imagine myself, to get through the day.

(If you'd like to stay in touch with ongoing issues of today's moms, I invite you to follow us by email or "like" our facebook page called 5 Things. And pass us on right now to one friend who can relate!)

My First Interview- With My Mom

"What are 5 things you're glad you did in raising your daughter?" This is the question I've been asking moms of grown children. Able to look back with a broader perspective now, these moms can help those of us still in the trenches to see what is truly important.

When my own 3 adorable girls were very little, women stopped me countless times in public and said, "Enjoy these days, these are the best of times!" I know they were being nice, but the notion worried me a bit because as much as I loved and enjoyed my girls, I spent much of my time wanting to pull my hair out! "It doesn't get any better?!" is what I was left thinking with a touch of panic. And I loved being a mom. Still do.

Now I understand what they meant and I know that as trying as things can be at times when kids are young, a main principle to live by at that stage is to stop and enjoy the moments. Enjoy life, all the parts of it. One day you'll want to relive them.

I'll be sharing many mom stories with you over time. But for today, we begin with my own mom, Verna Craig. She and my dad raised me, my younger sister, Heather, and our older brother. They have been married a whopping 51 years and live in Ponca City, OK. Many of my talents come from her and I'm happy she agreed to be my first story!

Until age 7, I lived in Kansas City and my mom worked full time. Then we moved to Ponca City where she was a stay at home mom from my elementary years until I left for college. I say that just to set context for her story.

Heres what the Madre to say! Oh, and she had 6 points instead of 5, but since she's my mom I'm letting her keep all 6. (mom privileges) What are the things she's glad she did? In her words...and my words in italics :)

• Becoming a Christian at age 35 helped me to become a better mother. I learned to pray Bible verses for my children. I spoke scriptures out loud for each one of them everyday. I could go on and on about my love for the Scriptures and the truth contained in them.



• In my twenties I worked because I thought we needed the money, which we did if we wanted any extras. Your dad never wanted me to work. But I liked the work, and it didn't bother me to leave my young kids with someone else. I would do it differently now. When I did stay home, it was difficult to sacrifice and live on one salary, but I would do it over again. I found ways to stay on budget. It was important to me to be home to take care of the house, my kids, study the Bible, pray, and fix nightly dinner. The benefits of staying home far outweighed the opposite in my opinion. I wish more women today would think about staying home with their children to train and nurture them. Society is different today. Often people work to afford luxuries.



• I ran a tight ship. (yes she did) From a young age, I taught them to call me if they were going to be late coming home. They could play at someone's house but only for two hours and then they came home. (I don't even remember the time constraint.) If they spent the night with a friend, we picked them up at a designated time in the morning. This was being courteous to the parents at the home where they were spending the night.



• Taking lessons was a great way to learn discipline. If they took piano lessons, then they had to practice 30 minutes a day before their dad got home. (and it was 30 minutes per subject- piano, ballet...with no sympathy for friends playing football outside waiting on me) Competitive sports is a great way to learn not only discipline, but how to interact successfully with others. Then there is the child who is not interested in lessons or sports. They may have to learn things the "hard" way, but maybe it's not "hard" to them.



• It's very important to flow differently with each child, because each child IS different. Nurture the gift that God has placed within each child. It may not be your choice, but if it's not something bad, then allow free expression by letting go of them and gently guiding them in the path they have chosen.



• Most importantly, teach them the ways of the Lord not only by instruction, but by example. (which they have always done!)

Prayer, work, order and courteousness, discipline, uniqueness of children, her example. 

Those are the issues that came to her mind when asked to look back at the past. I would have to agree that all of those principles served us well.

FYI, I will NOT be adding extracurricular peanut gallery comments in other ladies stories, haha. Since it was my mom and my life, (and my blog), I took the liberty! I want to thank Mom for being brave to be my first interview! And for being a great mom.

Coming tomorrow, my sister and I share 5 things we are glad our mom did raising us which will be a surprise to her! We wrote ours before reading what she had to say, just to keep it interesting. Stay tuned!

Post script- I have fabulous mom interviews coming up, many who always worked full time and many who stayed at home. That can be a touchy subject at times, but we are highlighting women of many situations. I also found it common among older women to question whether their advice is now outdated. I disagree. If you're happy you did it, it is relevant!