I asked her recently for some insight into high school.
"What are the 5 biggest challenges of American teen girls?"
1. Figuring out who
they are without the constant opinion of other girls who are also insecure in who
they are. Trying to stay pure in a society that is all about showing that the
unpure way is the only thing that will make you "desirable" or
"wanted", not only by guys but girls too. Girls want to surround
themselves with those other girls that guys want. It gives them security
knowing that they are "in" and people notice them.
2. Teenage girls
struggle with the societal opinion that "true love" is the climax of
happiness in life. Whether that be through a movie that everyone talks about,
music that is popular, or even the school system that pairs people off at every
occasion (dances, homecoming, etc.) If you don't have "match" or have someone to make you not "single", then you don't fit in.... you are by yourself in a
sense. You wont be happy until you have fallen in love.
3. Teenage girls don't
understand what love really is. I know that I didn't learn the difference
between love and lust until after I graduated high school. Understanding that lust looks
for what it can get, and love looks at what it can give.. it is often
misunderstood that people are "in love" when they are truly in lust.
4. Teenage girls
struggle with talking to their parents about what is really being said at
school or by their friends. Often times I found that myself, or my friends were
embarrassed to tell our parents about what people REALLY say at school, and
what really happens. I know that sometimes my friends or I would do something
that was so shameful, but if we told our parents we were scared they would
either get involved, not let us hang out with said person, or be so shocked
that it would intimidate us to wonder what their reaction would be. There is a
lot of pressure, especially in today's age, to be the girl that your parents can
brag about, or are so proud of, that when you do mess up, it is so devastating
to your reputation. It minimizes the times that we are transparent or real with
where we are really at in life. I found that a lot of times I would not want to admit
even to myself that there was a problem because that was not "who I
was", or at least who I was told I was, by my parents or friends.
5. American girls struggle with the pressure of college. It is expected
that we have things figured out about where we are suppose to go in college,
what we are suppose to be doing, how we are going to afford it, etc. At the same time, we are
juggling extra curricular activities we are told we need for
said future. Sports, grades, volunteering. There is all
of this pressure to "know what is next". To often we are asked WHAT
we are going to be doing rather than who we are, what we love, how we are.. the
things that matter. We are not told enough that people will be proud of us for
just simply doing what we love. It is looked down upon to choose to not go
to a university or not know what you want to study. Pretty much every one of my
friends that are in college have wasted thousands of dollars because they felt pressure to pick a major before they even knew what
they loved or liked. That is mainly an educational flaw, but parents can help
in giving that security to say that it is okay to not know who you are yet. It is
okay to have no idea at 18 years old, and be told that in the next 5 years we are not going
to be anywhere close to who we are in our teens.
Overall I think the
number one thing teenage girls struggle with is security. We struggle with who
we are, who we are suppose to be, and what others think.
Of course I had to ask her for more detail, especially about #4. As a mom, this hit me. The fact that our kids may not be real because of not wanting to ruin their reputation, even with us. So do we remain clueless when they really need help? I needed a concrete example of what goes on they would consider shameful, or questionable to tell mom, but is a real thing going on at school. I didn't know if she would give me an answer, but I asked anyway!
Ok, so a situation
would maybe be the complete and total acceptance of sex, and actual
encouragement of it in high school these days. Promiscuity is encouraged and
applauded for some reason. It really depends on the group you are around. I had
three groups of friends in high school-- my party friends, my athletic group of
friends, and my best friends.. all different. Yet in each group the story was
the same. Although of course in the party group this was much more likely to be found. But
especially senior year, everyone is thinking " This is the last year I
want memories" . Even leaders of the Christian clubs and kids you would never expect to fall
did... and it was disappointing to me, but accepted and applauded in the grand
scheme of the high school population. Whether that be sex, alcohol. (which
usually go hand in hand) and all of the other things that come along with the
insecure high school teenager.
I would say the most
important thing that a girl would need in high school especially in our
generation and culture is a safe place to really be honest about whats going
on. Spiritual warfare is SO STRONG.. and the amount of people that are trying
to fight it, or believe that it's even real, is dwindling rapidly.
